Why Cambridge is just Game of Thrones

With the final season of Game of Thrones nearly upon us, it’s getting easier to see that Cambridge UniversityTM is just the show brought to life: back stabbings, romance and high-stakes room ballots. Of course, there are more similarities – here’s an incomplete list of the key features of GoT and their Cambridge parallels.

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The Faceless Men – My supervision partner

Like Jaqen H’ghar, my supervision partner changes faces at will, claiming to have started the essay an hour before the deadline, then knocking out a first, leaving my hopes of a shared academic emasculation shredded.

Incest –

@ your college daddy.

The time it takes before each new book is released – A medical degree

Takes forever, doesn’t it? Generations pass, regimes change, and you’ve just started the first year of a placement in a clinic. This is soundtracked by a ticking clock of doom, after which it’ll never be finished (George R Martin’s death, here analogised by the onrushing privatisation of the NHS).

The death of the one you love the most –

RIP

The sultry tones of Ed Sheeran – They were played in Cindies.

I’m going to cry.

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Sending ravens with letters – eduroam

They’ve probably got the better system than us. You have to have wifi to install it, which is supposed to be Uni of Cam, but Uni of Cam is equally if not more shite, so what if that’s down? It’s a shit system for shit people. Also, there’s a raven on the Hermes page.

The whole system of fan theories surrounding the show – Cambridge lore and history

ALLEGEDLY, If you go through the same door as someone in the UL revolving doors you swap colleges, Wolfson students show their true form under the full moon, and all PBS applicants get interviewed by Derren Brown but he hypnotises them right afterwards to make them forget. The astute amongst you will notice that I’ve just copied some of the most recent Rumourbridges, and I’d ask the astute amongst you to politely fuck off.

Everyone’s really fit – The way you’d look if you bought a Tab branded T-shirt

God, we’re pretty.

An interlocking political system combining backstabbing with false praise – Camfess

This speaks for itself really. There hasn’t been an assassination based on a Camfess yet, but we all know it’s coming.

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Whitewalkers – Doxbridge

We know they, and their little starved, reincarnated cannibals (Durham students) are coming. We know we have to put aside our differences, we know there’ll be chaos if we don’t, but god those Starks (O*fordites) are pricks.

Lots of sex – My bedroom.

Amirite! I’ve had sex.

House Stark –

Seriously, I’ve had sex. Drop it.

Season 7 –

You wouldn’t know her. She lives in Canada.

Coming soon, Why Cambridge is just the music video for Baby Shark, containing even more tenuous comparisons (the little fucker in the hat looks a bit like King’s spire.)

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