How to smash the Holiday sales
The ultimate guide to finding the perfect festive bargain
You might have made it through Michaelmas in one piece, but the chances are you've already fucked Lent up before it's even begun.
It's a mistake even the most fashionable of us can make: you spend so much time turning out looks last term that you run out of clothes to impress everyone with in the next one. Repeating outfits is a cardinal sin, so that only means one thing: hitting the sales. Here's how to do it right.
Shopping is a Contact Sport
'Tis the season to get nasty. You might think you're spreading festive cheer by letting the lovely old lady go in front of you in the Bershka queue, but when that bitch turns out to be a fashionista snapping up everything in sight you won't be feeling so proud of yourself.
It's easy to get ugly on the shop floor, especially for a Cambridge student. The first thing you learn in Freshers' Week is how to shove tourists out of the way to get, well, anywhere. So use your skills wisely, and remember that elbows are a shopper's secret weapon. Take no prisoners.
Or…. just stay in
This all sounds very fun and Christmass-y, but for those of us who ate a bit too much this week getting off the sofa is a struggle. Thankfully the internet exists, letting you waste all of your money in the comfort of your own living room.
There are sales everywhere. And if you're super savvy, some websites will still let you use a student discount code on top of the seasonal saving. It's almost as if they WANT you to spend money. Capitalism has well and truly seen us coming.
Fittingly, we turn in our hour of need to the original queen of all things Christmas, Jesus Christ, who tells us: "the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak".
As a student, you probably won't have all that much cash except at Christmas or birthdays, or if your beloved Great Aunt Phyllis *tragically* dies and leaves you a small fortune. For how little most of us have, though, there's always a suspiciously large amount of ASOS parcels waiting to be picked up in any given Porters' Lodge.
The whole point of a sale is that shops want to get rid of a shit-ton of stuff. But as tempting as it sounds, it doesn't necessarily mean you should BUY a shit ton of stuff. A lot of sale items will be non-refundable, so don't spend money you haven't got on something mediocre (or heaven forbid, khaki).
Think of the looks
The best thing to do is to spend a little more on a real statement piece. Something that will disguise the real state of your bank balance and make you look like you could afford the entire Versace SS19 collection if you wanted to. This is where outfit planning comes in.
Even if there are only winter items on sale this week, there's nothing wrong with getting a head start on your wardrobe for next Christmas . In fact, if you can get it before it's gone, it's worth buying something now and saving it for later. Not only will you look fabulous one day, but your future self will chuffed with themselves later.
That's all you need to know, so what are you waiting for?
Happy Shopping xxx