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Tab News Column Week 7: Fake news, faculty faux pas, and phenomenal food


Van of Death Wrap Switch-up

In perhaps the most dramatic news column segment ever, Van of Death have changed their wraps!!!!

Instead of their traditional and standard yeast-based wraps, Van of Death has transitioned to the tortilla faction. According to Google, tortillas are made with unleavened dough – a HUGE difference.

The exact timing of this scandalous transformation is unknown, though Tab's investigative journalists discovered it at the beginning of Week 7. As always, you can count on us for groundbreaking content. You're welcome.

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A stark difference if you ask me

History faculty election embarrassment

The deadline for nomination to be the history undergraduate faculty board rep (that's a mouthful) had to be extended because only one person was nominated.

Historians received a series of emails calling for more people to nominate themselves, and then informing of the extended deadline, due to a limited response. It was a bit like your ex talking to themselves in your inbox – you never reply, but you sit there awkwardly watching the onslaught of messages.

Luckily, the extended deadline was effective and four people volunteered as tribute. We salute you!

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Poor Liz Partridge

GLORIOUS light blue rugby win

The much-awaited 71st Steele Bodger Match saw a heated battle between the current men's CURUFC team and ex-blues in the Steele Bodger's XV. Our 2018 light blues secured a narrow victory, with a score of 38-33. This was the final men's CURUFC game before the Varsity grudge match against O*ford.

The CURUFC women's team have also been gearing up to battle The Other Place, with an unbeaten run in the BUCS championship. Both teams are in good standing to maintain the double-victory of last year when they face the dark blues once again in December.

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Clare Memorial Court fireproof once more

The ongoing fire drama at Clare's Memorial Court has finally come to a close, just in time for the flammable festive season!

Our trusty source has informed us that the fire alarms are back up and running, and, more importantly, people in Mem Court can use their own gyps again!

We expect culinary masterpieces from everyone.

Tab BEST BUMS election victory

According to the uber-reputable news source, the Porter's Log, a student has "stormed to victory after accidentally including Tab 'Best Bums' entry photo on manifesto".

The student is yet to come forward, but we like to think our best bums competition has that much power.

Fake news? Only time will tell.

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