The results are in: Which Game of Thrones character is your college?
Inter-College stereotypes are coming…
With Season 8 just round the corner, HBO has recently dropped some hints about the final season of the most pirated series in the world. I wouldn't ask any of your Engling friends about it because they'll obviously claim their superiority having "actually read the books first". However, legend has it that George RR Martin once visited Cambridge and that each character is a metaphor for the each of the colleges. We can neither confirm nor deny, but here are some of our extremely well-researched theories here at the Tab (citations not included):
Christ's – Margaery Tyrell
Very pretty. Power-seeking. Christ's took the Tompkins Table like Margaery took the 3 Baratheon boys. Hidden negative qualities aka the Typewriter…
Churchill – Shireen Baratheon
Overarching theme of :"grey" and "stone". Hidden out of sight. While Shireen deserved better, Churchill should be burned just for the architecture.
Clare – Cersei Lannister
Central and power-hungry. Has a penchant for using cellars in questionable ways. Just down the road from Caius…if you know, you know.
Clare Hall – Xaro Xhoan Daxos
Will vouch for you. Seems like a decent guy. Claims to have riches unimaginable. Actually has nothing. May or may not sleep with your maid.
Corpus Christi – Lyanna Mormont
Small yet impactful. Has 62 good men. Large but niche fan base. Lyanna will have no hesitation calling you out just like a Corpy bedder will for your one night stands.
Darwin – Maester Aemon
I know nothing of Darwin's secrets like nobody knows a thing of Maester Aemon's…spoilers kidz! Also he's old (bit of a cop out I know, but there are 31 colleges and I've been here for 7 weeks, cut me some slack)
Downing – Lady Olenna
Air of hautiness (we get it, you have nice beds). Wealthy. Close to Spoons = watch your drinks kids!
Emmanuel – Tyrion Lannister
Easy access to pubs and clubs. Small. Kind. Not-so-secretly smart. Might cross-bow you for sleeping with his main gal.
Fitzwilliam – Leaf
You have to venture to the edge of the known world to see them, questionable aesthetic that suggests edginess-gone-wrong. Not inherently bad though, has just made a few bad life choices.
Girton – Quaithe
Rarely seen and often forgotten by fake fans. Shrouded in mystery. Significance: debatable.
Gonville and Caius – Jaime Lannister
Central and got the monies. Name is also a b**** to pronounce if you're not in the know. Questionable morals. Still super pretty despite its downfalls.
Homerton – Samwell Tarly
Wants to study to be a teacher. A little out of the way. Loveable rogue vibe. Not popular with the rest of the fam, but nonetheless important.
Hughes Hall – Whose Hall?
Never heard of it. So here's a picture of Hot Pie. Enjoy x
Jesus – Khal Drogo
Sporty gym lad. Obsession with horses. Long hair like the college namesake. No word for thank you. Welcomes smothering by pillow.
King's – Hodor
Big, friendly and a solid fan fave. Tragically sacrifices itself so the rest of the colleges can escape the hordes of undead tourists bombarding us on a Saturday morning. Bloody good door…will always be too soon.
Lucy Cavendish – Lord Varys
Very mature, and no balls in sight. (Low blow, sorry Lucy Cav xxx)
Magdalene – Euron Greyjoy
Like Euron controls the waters with his fleet, Magdalene just has to say the word and a fleet of Scudamore's punts will take the Cam ready to attack all the river colleges.
Murray Edwards – Jaqen H'ghar
The many faced man, can suddenly change persona for a price…£30 million perhaps NEW HALL?! Insult his building and your face will end up sliced up on his wall. Be nice to Medwards students, kids.
Newnham – Yara (Asha) Greyjoy
Strong and independent. Like Yara, Newnham don't need no man. Known, but not quite so central.
Pembroke – Ellaria Sand
Not the first college you might think of, but certainly not to be overlooked. Neither old nor young and naturally very beautiful. May have seen boyf have his head crushed on a night out.
Peterhouse – Renly Baratheon and Loras Tyrell
The Adonian Society is gone but never forgotten. Sorry Peterhouse it's the first thing ANYONE says when I mention your college.
Queens' – Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, First of Her Name, The Unburnt, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains and MOTHER OF DRAGONS
A Kween if ever I saw one. Situated just off the centre of the plot and of Cambridge. Ready to strike. May have just banged her own nephew.
Robinson – Red Woman
Red. Just red. Would sacrifice an innocent or give birth to a demon baby to get lower rent.
Selwyn – The Night King
I struggled for this one so bear with me…The Night King has an odd obsession with Jon Snow…Selwyn has a Snow Ball? I tried ok.
Sidney Sussex – Lord Petyr Baelish
Like Lord Baelish utilises every resource at his fingertips to dominate the Game of Thrones, while Sidney Sussex students are so well-positioned in relation to Mainsbury's that they alone could create chaos if they bought up all of its pizzas. You have the power guys. Utilise your resources.
St Catharine's – Catelyn Stark
A tad guarded (have you seen those wrought iron fences?), still relatively quite nice, and the basic connection of the name – at least ONE character had to be assigned THAT lazily.
St Edmund's – Ser Jorah Mormont
St Edmund's, another mature character for a mature college! Probably has greyscale, approach with caution!
St John's – Viserys Targaryen
Any explanation needed? Death by molten gold being poured over your head sounds like a pretty John's way to go if you ask me…
Trinity – Tywin Lannister
Lots of money. Lots of power. Large sphere of influence. Tywin owns/ed half of the known world while Trinity owns half of Tesco…who's the real winner here?! Death by crossbow parallel to the above sounds like a pretty Trinity way to go as well.
Trinity Hall – Tommen Baratheon
Perhaps slightly overshadowed but nonethless very sweet and innocent. Like Orgasm Bridge situated just outside Tit Hall, there's a rise, there's a climax, then there's one Hell of a fall…
Wolfson – House Stark
WOLFson…Dire WOLF? No? Just me? Okay well you're near the end of the article now sooooo just accept my lack of creativity and move on.
So, there we have it! What do you think? Do you agree? (I imagine most of you won't). Tell your friends and debate the bigger questions in life like which GOT character best emulates your college! Here's to a killer Season 8. APRIL IS COMING!