BREAKING: Wine thief loose in Peterhouse

Peterhouse has a snake in its midst- and it's not the one found in deer park last Easter. An email has been sent to Peterhouse undergraduates revealing a harrowing tale.

After a perfectly nice and normal dinner in the Henry Cavendish room, staff realised 'that a bottle of unopened Morey St-Denis 1999 wine left in the room had gone missing.' An anonymous Peterhouse undergraduate told The Tab 'this is abhorrent behaviour, those caught should be slung up by the necks.' he carried on talking but The Tab has decided that what he said is probably not publishable.

The lit up days of the college are gone as the dark cloud of this crime hangs over Peterhouse

The wine steward and senior tutor deduced that 'At that time of night it is most likely a member of College who would have entered that room.' Students were reminded that 'Taking unopened bottles of wine that is theft.' The email ended with a threatening note, telling students 'this is a matter that the College takes very seriously.' This incident has clearly shook the college with a second-year telling The Tab 'Peterhouse seems so nice by day, I'm so glad I don't go out in the evenings.'

I'll leave you with another students sad words, again anonymised on request; 'I have no words.'

Let's hope the culprit is found and swiftly bought to justice.