Cambridge Reacts to the U.S. Election Result

Well done America, you had one job.


In the global game of dick-measuring contests, you saw our Brexit and raised us one Trump. While Brexit may just mean Brexit for us, electing Trump as your President threatens education, LGBT+ rights, immigration rights, second amendment safeties, reproductive rights, racial equality and foreign policy. And most Cambridge students don’t even live there, but you conceded your position as the most “liberal” and “free” country in the world the second you proved you’d rather elect anything instead of a woman.

In response to the tyranny of the ignorant, racist, sexist, misogynist majority, Cambridge students respond:

“This is the first time in my adult life that I feel like we’ve regressed and the thought of seeing progress being undone makes me physically sick.” – Dani

“Something that’s making me feel physically sick with regards to this result is that’s it’s a demonstration of the fact that sometimes, being a perpetrator of sexual assault has no consequence.” – Phoebe

“Of course there’s a silver lining here! America has shown us that people who are accused of sexual assault and have zero experience for the role can still get the job!” – Liam

“Unless your husband might have done it, then its used against you.” – Molly

“If this last year has taught us one thing it’s that unless you take an active role in your own governance you will always be governed by your inferiors.” – James

“I hope third party protest voters are choking on their moral superiority.” – Molly

Trinity College Library tried their hand at offering consolation, adding new medieval meaning to the phrase “grab ’em by the pussy”:

Nice one

Nice one

The University itself was far more concise when commenting on the result, this on their twitter:

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You know it’s gone awry when even the home of intellectualism and pretentious wordiness is rendered speechless.

Cementing the reputation of English as a cuddly subject for coddled children (we would know), the English Faculty Library provided sweets, doughnuts, and tea to students ignoring what has happened by burying themselves in work.

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Sorry EFL but no amount of sugar is going to make me feel less bitter

Sorry EFL but no amount of sugar is going to make me feel less bitter

On a similar doughnut touting mission, Trinity sent out the following email.

Predictably for a college of mathmos, Trinity sends expresses welfare initiatives in as few words as possible.

Predictably for a college of mathmos, Trinity expresses welfare initiatives in as few words as possible.

If you’re not in the mood for formulating political commentary however, you can always do what this student at Emma did. Even the porters approved.

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Other colleges may have been offering baked goods in solace, but King’s is made of sterner stuff. An email circulated by the Head Butler invited students at King’s to buy wine and, presumably, drown their sorrows in it.

I won't be impressed by this fridge unless I can cryogenically freeze myself and wake up in 2020

I won’t be impressed by this fridge unless I can cryogenically freeze myself and wake up in 2020.

The Porter’s Log, Cambridge’s favourite satirical press outlet, had their own take on the Clinton defeat.

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BREAKING: Hillary Clinton announced as 2017 Tab BNOC

 

“[A long, sustained scream into the void]” -Lia

If you’re aware of any reactions worthy of note, then get in touch by emailing [email protected]