WEEK THREE NEWS ROUNDUP: Jilted Vegetarians, Cheese Cakes, and Closet Cromwellians

For the rest of you, here’s the news you didn’t know you really really needed.

Jilted Vegetarians

Last week we brought you the news that Pembroke was upping its formal game further by inviting Antonio Carluccio to cook in the college for a special Formal. Excited vegetarians were left awed by the delicious parpadella ai funghi that was served as a starter, but their spirits were soon crushed by the appearance of their mains: whilst those who had chosen the meat main course received a massive hunk of slow cooked beef shin, vegetarians were left chewing on mash potato and side vegetables. Sometimes the grass isn’t greener on the moral high ground.

Dreaming of a substantial vegetarian main course

Cheese Cake

In anticipation of the upcoming Port and Cheese event, CUCA announced the exciting addition to the menu: a five-tiered “cake” made entirely of cheeses. The cheese will “naturally” be washed down with a selection of Vintage, Tawny, and Ruby port, because why not commit when you’re turning into a caricature of yourself? The event dress code is black tie, but red chinos will also, presumably, be accepted.

To be fair, this sounds delicious.

The grad who called porter

Tension builds between undergrads and graduate students in Christ’s, where the second year hostels are each shared with one grad. Reportedly, one of these graduate students was so prone to calling the porters for minor offences, the Christ’s porters have stopped heeding their calls.

A message from Medwards

If Molly’s column did not satisfy, students at Murray Edwards received a refresher on how to avoid looking like a tit whilst drinking.

Honestly, I’d make fun of it, but it has a lot of pretty sensible advice. For boring people.

Guerilla Questioning

The Cambridge Cycling Campaign, a group that advocates for safer cycling practices in Cambridge, have taken to Girton for their new surveying strategy. Whilst groggy Girtonians make their way to their 9am lectures, members of the campaign have reportedly been leaping out onto the road to ask them questions about safe cycling practices. One Girton undegrad was quoted reacting to these new tactics, saying “I do not need this, not now.” Maybe save the rushing at cyclists in a hurry for another time, campaigners.

Glitterbombshell

Following CUSU’s dramatic un-endorsement of Cambridge’s new LGBT+ club night, Glitterbomb, more scandal was unearthed, this time concerning the legitimacy (or lack thereof) of the event page’s guests. Apparently they were caught making false accounts and adding them to the invite list, creating the illusion of more interest. The pictures being used for these false accounts are allegedly of people who are apparently deceased, a deeply disturbing marketing tactic that, whilst apropos with Halloween ’round the corner is nonetheless more than a little unsavoury.

Yikes!

Closet Cromwellians

A bust of Oliver Cromwell has appeared in the window of a Peterhouse room, apparently mistakenly bought under the assumption that it was a bust of Shakespeare. We’ve been told this budding literati’s attempts have now been foiled and they were informed that Peterhouse was actually Royalist at the time. Honestly, what on earth is going on at Peterhouse? Does anyone know?

The mysteries that meringue-like architecture houses may never be truly understood