DRUG SURVEY: Cocaine found in John’s bar, Law faculty and History faculty
We had to test the answers
In The Tab’s survey, we asked Cantabs what was the weirdest place students had taken drugs in Cambridge.
Disappointingly, most answers were fairly standard: Cindies, Life, Fez, usually accompanied with some overused gripe at how awful the Cambridge clubbing scene is. But some more daring individuals chose to brag about truly odd locations: Nanna Mexico; ‘In the toilets during an end-of-year exam to calm down’; King’s Chapel; Senate House at an undergrad graduation ceremony; and, of course,‘The Union, in order to tolerate all the wankers’.
Because The Tab strongly believes in #seriousjournalism, we weren’t going to let these claims of weird locations go untested. We invested in some ‘Crackdown cocaine testing wipes’, normal looking wipes that when wiped over surfaces with cocaine present appear with blue spots. Immediate change of colour means there is a strong presence of cocaine: the development of coloured spots within 10 seconds indicates a small presence of cocaine, or some variation of it, ie: crack.
First, we tested areas where survey respondents bragged they had taken drugs: Dangerspoons toilets and King’s College Bar. Hoping to find some traces of drugs inevitably left after the ‘waviness’ of the King’s Affair, we were unfortunately left disappointed by both locations. But, believing that toilets would be the main source of results, we flushed ahead, testing bathrooms in Trinity, Christ’s and John’s bars.
The first two were unsuccessful with no traces on toilets or around the sink area. Yet John’s – probably the only college able to afford cocaine – tested positive. After wiping around the sink area of the ladies bar toilets, very faint blue spots appeared after several seconds, indicating a very small presence.
Following proclamations that people had taken drugs in the UL (unsurprising given the doom this building inspires) we scoured the fellow-filled halls attempting to find traces. After testing multiple toilets, desks in isolated areas, and even bookshelves, we gave up. But if there’s one thing Cambridge doesn’t lack, it’s libraries. The Sidgwick site provided plenty of hallowed halls to test. The English faculty and Econ faculty were boring, but the Law faculty (unsurprising, given the amount of work they have) and the History faculty (surprising, given how little work they have) tested positive.
Wiping around the sink area in the female toilets of the Law Faculty, bright blue streaks indicated a very strong presence. Clearly the six-figure salaries promised in the future provide a chance to keep up this pricey habit. Very similar results were found around the sink area of the History faculty.
These three locations were the only place we found positive results. Other places we tested included the railings of Orgasm Bridge, the ADC and the Union toilets, various punts, Mill Lane lecture theatre, and John’s Chapel.
When asked for comment, a university spokesperson said: “Incidents of known illicit drug use will be reported to the police.”
More results from The Tab’s drug survey (yes, we know it’s self-selecting and probably about as accurate as you expect) coming soon. The Tab does not endorse taking drugs, which is illegal.