THE CAMBRIDGE COLLEGE OSCARS
Did your college win big?
Whilst we all wait with baited breath to see if Leo will finally win his Oscar tonight, take a look at how your college has fared in Cambridge’s own Awards Ceremony.
Best Actor in a Leading Role – St John’s
For its outrageous portrayal of lad culture and testosterone fuelled frivolity, John’s offers a standout performance above the rest. The college is loud, unapologetic, and daring.
Best Actor in a Supporting Role – Trinity Hall (or Jesus, or Caius… you’re all the same)
We recognise the valiant attempt of these colleges to be taken seriously as a proudly standing hubs of social activity in Cambridge. The students are fun, outgoing, and help support the culture John’s leads the way in spreading.
Best Actress in a Leading Role – Murray Edwards
Heralded for its drama of sisterhood, Murray Edwards stuns in its role fighting the patriarchy and batting down one lesbian-college rumour at a time.
Best Actress in a Supporting Role – Newnham
See above, but think shitter.
Best Costume Design – Fitzwilliam
Fitz’s expression of wavey garms, vintage tracksuits, and edgy hareem pants creates a striking aesthetic not to be missed. Its students are super keen to help out contribute towards the final picture, and they do the bit they’re trusted with well.
Best Cinematography – Pembroke
Offering quaint benches, lush greenery, and pretty flower arrangements, Pembroke college succeeds at being one of Cambridge’s loveliest settings.
Best Original Score – King’s
The musical prestige of this college is a given, and the King’s Choir certainly win’s originality points, starting over 500 hundred years ago.
Best Visual Effects – Corpus Christi
Best Short Film – Robinson
Founded in 1977, Robinson is the youngest of the colleges founded in Cambridge. It’s done a good job so far, and we salute Robinson for doing the job of hosting those victim to the Cambridge pool system.
Best Film Editing – Churchill
Churchill’s full of CompSci’s so are certainly the most qualified. We know it’s there, but Churchill is always behind the scenes and does little to take the spotlight.
Best Picture – Trinity
The Crème de la crème of Cambridge. Top of the Tompkins table, owning half of the UK (citation needed) and boasting the most elusive May Ball tickets, Trinity is the most sought after and the most revered. Trinity is by the book in its prestige though, and like all Best Picture winners, is sensible, mature, and predictable.
If your college didn’t win, then you need to step up your game. Maybe next year.