THE CAMBRIDGE COLLEGE OSCARS

Whilst we all wait with baited breath to see if Leo will finally win his Oscar tonight, take a look at how your college has fared in Cambridge’s own Awards Ceremony.

Best Actor in a Leading Role – St John’s

For its outrageous portrayal of lad culture and testosterone fuelled frivolity, John’s offers a standout performance above the rest. The college is loud, unapologetic, and daring.

pls let Leo be next

Best Actor in a Supporting Role – Trinity Hall (or Jesus, or Caius… you’re all the same)

We recognise the valiant attempt of these colleges to be taken seriously as a proudly standing hubs of social activity in Cambridge. The students are fun, outgoing, and help support the culture John’s leads the way in spreading.

The extents we go to for social validation

Best Actress in a Leading Role – Murray Edwards

Heralded for its drama of sisterhood, Murray Edwards stuns in its role fighting the patriarchy and batting down one lesbian-college rumour at a time.

“We should totally just stab Caesar”

Best Actress in a Supporting Role – Newnham

See above, but think shitter.

No Newnham

Best Costume Design – Fitzwilliam

Fitz’s expression of wavey garms, vintage tracksuits, and edgy hareem pants creates a striking aesthetic not to be missed. Its students are super keen to help out contribute towards the final picture, and they do the bit they’re trusted with well.

Tell us we’re edgy. We need the wavey.

Best Cinematography – Pembroke

Offering quaint benches, lush greenery, and pretty flower arrangements, Pembroke college succeeds at being one of Cambridge’s loveliest settings.

Is that Narnia?

Best Original Score – King’s

The musical prestige of this college is a given, and the King’s Choir certainly win’s originality points, starting over 500 hundred years ago.

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Best Visual Effects – Corpus Christi

Because, this:

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Best Short Film – Robinson

Founded in 1977, Robinson is the youngest of the colleges founded in Cambridge. It’s done a good job so far, and we salute Robinson for doing the job of hosting those victim to the Cambridge pool system.

N’aw, lil’ baby

Best Film Editing – Churchill

Churchill’s full of CompSci’s so are certainly the most qualified. We know it’s there, but Churchill is always behind the scenes and does little to take the spotlight.

Tbh this category is as far flung and irrelevant as the college

Best Picture – Trinity

The Crème de la crème of Cambridge. Top of the Tompkins table, owning half of the UK (citation needed) and boasting the most elusive May Ball tickets, Trinity is the most sought after and the most revered. Trinity is by the book in its prestige though, and like all Best Picture winners, is sensible, mature, and predictable.

“We are the champions, you are the losers”

If your college didn’t win, then you need to step up your game. Maybe next year.