New term, new columnists: Meet The Tab’s top signings

Feat. three keen freshers.

columnists

We have four columnists this Michaelmas.

Joseph Spencer – Sunday

Joseph likes politics, theatre and bashing history. He has clung on at Cambridge into a fourth year and generally treats change of all kinds as something to be highly sceptical of. He is an average yet long-serving player for Pembroke’s 3rd XI Football team.

The lesser-spotted Spence

The lesser-spotted Spence

Leah Wild – Tuesday

Leah is a self-confessed “clueless fresher” – so to reduce the risk of disappointment, you are kindly advised to lower your standards. She doesn’t really know what she’s doing, but figures that nobody else does either, which means she’s what The Kids call “relatable”. When asked what her vision for this column was, she hadn’t actually prepared an answer, which should illustrate the kind of consistency that you’ll be receiving. Strap in and prepare for this wonderful magical mystery tour of her so-called life.

Intense

Wild name, wild hair, wild column?

Daisy Carter – Saturday

Daisy is an HSPS fresher and official BNIN (Big name in Norwich). Massively self-righteous with a warped and unfounded perception of herself as unequivocally sick, Daisy will most likely be chatting politics and unhelpfully mocking Cambridge stereotypes for the rest of term.

A totally sensible pose

A totally sensible pose

Lia Johansen – Monday

Lia is the third in our trio of fresher signings. No-one asked Lia what the highlight of her first Michaelmas was, but nonetheless she would say it was being mistaken for a second year by a fellow fresher, on the grounds that “she looked so tired”. In her column, she will endeavour to continue answering questions no-one ever asked her, and also complaining about just how tired she is.

Lia thinks she is quite the hipster

Lia thinks she is quite the hipster

Have a good term with this lot. We’ll see you on the other side.