Congratulations on getting into Cambridge

The Tab Cambridge would like to congratulate you on making your Cambridge offer.

Congratulations. You have a place in the best uni in the UK. Well done you.

In just under 50 long days you’ll be having the best time of your life. To build the anticipation, we’ve put together a list of all the things a Cambridge Student can look forward to:

The Nightlife

Cambridge has won the title of “most rad” uni in the UK several times. Our college bars are both the proverbial and spiritual homes to the likes of Skepta and H from Steps, who can often be seen gowned up attending formal hall and debating the merits of intersectional theory with Stephen Hawking.

Cindies – by far the largest club – was almost shut down for being “[sic] too edgy”, playing the Lion King’s “Circle of Life” too infrequently and staying open as late as 2.30am, making many groggy for their morning lectures.

The Socialising

You’re going to meet some of the most interesting, driven and generally cool people of your generation. You’ll definitely get loads of time to talk to them.

The Drugs

There’s a well known rhyme in Cambridge, often muttered around the shared spliff, that goes something like this:

“Picking up here’s like getting blood from a stone,

If you want weed just bring it from home,

MDMA is alright for a night,

but I’ve got an essay due in at 9am tomorrow. You know what guys, I’m going to bed.”

The Sex

Cambridge? More like “shagbridge”, amIrite? What could be sexier than single beds and 15+ contact hours a week?

The Independence

Nothing helps you fly the nest like the host of new parental figures you’ll have thrust upon you. You’ll enjoy developing daddy issues with your supervisor and deal the tricky problem of fancying your college mother and/or father.

The Crippling Feelings of Inadequacy

You’ll get great life experience of trying really really hard and it never quite being good enough.

The Extracurricular Activities

With almost 1,000 clubs and societies, there are loads of opportunities to meet people like you and try out new things. Like student journalism.

*Cough Cough* Seriously if you want to, you should email [email protected].

We at the Tab are Really Happy you’ve made it and hope to see lots of you in the next few years! Now go and get drunk.