Tab Treats: Mr Mussels

A valentine’s special found clinging to a rock.

bums butter food meal mussels Sex shallots Valentine's Wine

It’s the fag end of February and finding ways to impress your other half is as hard as solving the Greek sovereign debt crisis. What will she/he say when you take them to Nandos for the second year in a row? Help is at hand.

Look no further than the coastal fruit of the British Isles and our saucy recipe for oh so sexy mussels.


2 kg of mussels, de-bearded (go on treat yourself)

100g of butter

1 finely sliced onion or equivalent of shallots

3 cloves of garlic

A large glass of white wine

Salt and pepper to taste

A crusty baguette. Oui Oui!

Melt the butter in a large pan. Cook the onions until golden and soft. Add the wine and evaporate off the alcohol. Grind in salt and pepper to taste. Add the mussels, mix in and cover. Simmer until all the mussels are open (5-10 mins), with occasional mixing. Serve in healthy portions with thick slices of buttered bread.

And voila! A romantic and impressive meal, all done in fifteen minutes and for under a tenner.

Sex in three generous portions

If you don’t get a shag out of this I’m afraid there is nothing I can do.