The Insider Week 1: Drinking soc smash up and cows in the Cam

Drunk Smashes up The Idlers’ Picture 

A framed picture of Pembroke College’s drinking society The Idlers was last week seriously damaged. The Insider understands that a student was responsible for the act of vandalism.

A spokesman for The Idlers said: ‘Unfortunately I don’t have very much to say on the matter. A picture was damaged, presumably by a drunk person. That is pretty much the whole story.’

The incident has not been reported to the police.

Shattered: The Idlers’ picture vandalised

Cows in the Cam

The Insider received a tip this week from a distressed student. A frenzied woman had run up to her, anxiously asking to borrow her mobile phone. She had seen a cow fall into the river and wanted to call emergency services. Well, at first, the girl continued, it went in one ear and out of the udder but the woman insisted, this is not a-moo-sing. The steaks were high and she butter help out.

We know, we know – grazy talk, pull the udder one – but no, The Insider’s correspondence with Cambridge City council has revealed that cows plummeting into the Cam has become an issue of concern in these parts.

A council spokesman told The Insider: “In response to your query yesterday about a cow in the river, I contacted the council’s Streets and Open Spaces asset manager Alistair Wilson – he wasn’t aware of the particular incident, but said that cows falling in the river is a fairly regular occurrence at the beginning of the grazing season, as the cows acclimatise to their new home. It tends to become more infrequent as we enter the Summer. The Council’s Pinder will respond to any incidents where there is a cow in the river. If we need assistance (which is rare) the council will call the Fire and Rescue Service.”

So, if you find a cow taking the plunge, the Council urge, take action. It’s time to beef up our bovine protection.

Welfare Goes to the Dogs

Dog therapy sessions have arrived at Cambridge University. Yes, The Insider had to paws for a moment, too, but we’ve had it confirmed that caring canines are popping by colleges, offering students the chance to open up about their problems and de-stress by petting a dog.

Caring canines: Peterhouse students turn to Ridley for support

Our sources indicate that Homerton and Peterhouse are at the forefront of the cutting-edge approach to relieve anxiety. Polly and Vince are lending an ear to the Homertonians and Ridley has proved a trusted confidante at Peterhouse, with up to a dozen students flocking to the JCR on Saturday morning. So if you’re having a ruff day and feeling melon-collie , the dogs are here for you.

Simple pleasures

The laid-back approach to welfare was first trialled at Yale university in 2011, when the law school offered the loan of a therapy dog – called Monty – to cut down on student stress. Students were allowed to take the dog out for scheduled thirty minute periods.

Our colleges may, however, wish to heed the devastation endured by Washington University in Missouri after Boo Boo the bear – a two-month-old bear cub – went on the rampage and BIT (nipped) more than fourteen students last week.

Health experts could not rule out the possibility that little Boo Boo was carrying a strain of rabies and he was set to be killed for testing. Fortunately, though, medics gave Boo Boo the all-clear on Friday evening. The Insider is sure that Ridley, Polly and Vince are pawsome and would never dream of provoking such a drama.

Homerton Pursue a Poet 

It may be the cheapest ticket in town but the bargain-hunters may be surprised to hear that the Homerton June Event committee gave serious consideration to hiring a poet as their coup de graçe for the showpiece do on June Friday, 13.

Fortunately, they soon realised they ode rather more to paying students than what certain committee members were excitedly glamorising around college as a ‘spoken word artist’.

After consulting unofficially with friends, the committee soon reversed their plans, instead recruiting Chipzel as their headline act. Chipzel is described as ‘an independent chip-musician from Northern Ireland who indulges in the use of Gameboys to create energetic, melodic dance tracks’.

Bring back the poet, we say.