Why am I always drunker than everyone else?

Last night I went to my friend’s flatwarming party. It was a pretty casual thing – about 20 people sat around chatting, music, food, a few drinks. I got so drunk I couldn’t walk home.

Sometimes that’s fine, but not when you’re always the only one.

We’d pre-drank at college and I thought I’d had about the same amount as everyone else, but once we arrived at the party it all went downhill. The bit that scares me is that I don’t understand how or why it happened. I don’t understand why I chose to be the one coming onto people I didn’t know, talking crap, taking my clothes off, and generally ruining the atmosphere of an otherwise really relaxed thing.

Just a relaxed thing

I’m definitely not an alcoholic. I never drink alone, I know my limits, and I hardly ever throw up because of drinking. But the situation last night is one that happens to me all the time. The problem isn’t drinking too much, but being drunker than everyone else.

When I’m sober and there’s someone inappropriately drunk at an event I usually just find it quite funny (or irritating), but until this morning I never really questioned why so many of us do this. We’re old enough and experienced enough drinkers to know what drinking X amount will do to us, so why do we choose to get so inappropriately drunk?

If last night were a one-off it might have been just about acceptable, but thinking over my two and a half years at Cambridge, and actually sixth form as well, I can’t count the number of times I’ve woken up highly embarrassed that I’d been awkwardly drunker than everyone else. I know when it’s ok to be drunk and when it’s not, that I’m allowed to be drunk at Fez but probably not at subject formal with my DoS, so why do I always do it?

Helpguide.org say that you may have a drinking problem if you:

• Feel guilty or ashamed about your drinking.
• Lie to others or hide your drinking habits.
• Have friends or family members who are worried about your drinking.
• Need to drink in order to relax or feel better.
• “Black out” or forget what you did while you were drinking.
• Regularly drink more than you intended to.

None of those really cover my problem. I suppose I feel ashamed and regularly drink more than I intend to, but the issue isn’t just about getting too drunk, it’s getting inappropriately smashed. I don’t find socialising difficult when I’m sober and I know I can have a great night out without getting so wasted, so it’s not even a case of consciously drinking because I feel I need to.

There are definitely other people who do this too. Maybe most of you don’t do it as often as me, but at most things you can usually find the token awkwardly drunk person. When you’re 15 and discovering your limits that’s a different story, but at 21 I don’t think it’s something that can just be laughed about the next day.

I don’t actually have a solution or moral to this story. My problem can’t be blamed on the British drinking culture or the free wine at college events, and is something I’ve finally decided to address. Cutting out booze altogether would be stupid and impossible, but I’m going to start deciding exactly how much I’m going to drink before I go out (and hopefully sticking to it), and I’m going to make an effort to check how drunk everyone else is before I down a bottle of wine at a networking event. I should probably try and work out why I’ve been doing this as well.

Just a small glass now

If you’re reading this and thinking that you’re often drunker than everyone else too, my advice is to treat it as a serious issue and address it straight away. It’s funny the first time you do it but eventually it gets awkward and you’ll piss off your friends. I’m sorry guys.