Newnham: Lock Up Your Door-ters

Last weekend, Newnham found a nude-man wandering about its corridors, prompting an e-mail to be sent out from the porters. HEATHER MCKAY reports.

e-mail goldilocks Hather McKay intruder Lucy Cavendish mml Newnham nude-man Porter Unagi wanderer Wendy

A Newnham girl got quite a shock this weekend when she returned to her room to find a strange young man sleeping in her bed.

The boy was the guest of another Newnham student that evening, who was probably equally as shocked to find him missing the following morning.

This weekend wanderer had spent most of Sunday night, and some of Monday morning, drunkenly trying to break into students’ rooms so as to find a place to sleep.

Eventually the boy found a room that had been left unlocked and fell fast asleep (or rather passed out) inside.

Sadly this is not the first time such a disturbance has take place at Newnham. In order to protect their students from further incursions therefore, the porters dished out a few tips via e-mail, which were subsequently passed on to The Tab.

Choice excerpts include ‘keep your bedroom door locked at all times when you are not in your room… even if you are only popping to the bathroom or a nearby kitchen.”; and “never bring guests back to the College and leave them to wander around the College unaccompanied”.

Another option suggested for students who want to eject their guests before the ungodly hour of 6.30am is to send them through to the porters lodge with a signed note explaining why they were there.

Speaking on the matter, a Newnham porter described the event as “quite a shock for all concerned”, and implored students to be more sensible when inviting guests to the college.

One student was overheard asking ‘Why does this never happen at Lucy Cavendish!?’


Statistically, Lucy Cavendish entertains fewer male guests per annum than the tampon aisle in Boots

However, not all students were quite so concerned.

A 4th year MML, who requested not to be named, said, “I was flabbergasted by the news, but more by how unaccommodating the host student was. Normally Newnham students welcome nocturnal roamers and regularly leave their doors unlocked to incite such practice.

“But Newnham girls should remember to put leashes or electronic ankle bracelets on any night time visitors”.