Cambridge Are Set To Accept Every Student With A*AA

Cambridge University has listened to the heart-breaking ‘Student With Good Grades Not Let Into Oxbridge’ tales printed in the The Daily Mail and is set to accept every single student with A*AA or above.

The Head of Admissions at the University, Dr Nohn Senze stated ‘We were so shocked by the tale of Miranda Fortescue, the girl who got A*AA that we rejected and now is going to have to study at The LSE, that we decided to radically revise our admissions policy’.

From 2014, applications will be made centrally to the university on A-level results day, where any student with A*AA or higher will gain a place at Cambridge, for any subject they wish to study.

Inspired by the Governments’ ‘for hardworking people’ policies

Previously, various figures at Cambridge had explained that good grades were enough to guarantee an interview, but that the interview process gives them a more in-depth understanding of each individual candidate.

Dr Senze said that this was in fact ‘bullshit’ and that the interview process was ‘merely to weed out those who felt uncomfortable in archaic surroundings’ and that in future this type of student will just be sent to Churchill College.

When quizzed on the feasibility of such an extension, Dr Senze mentioned something vague about ‘extension into Peterborough’, whilst he admitted to The Tab that he had not nailed down specifics yet and that he was bored of the interview.

The new Premier College will open in Peterborough.

He did stress that getting into Oxbridge is in fact ‘the be-all and end-all’.