Have a Pizza That

In the greatest love affair since Romeo and Juliet, a Domino’s rep was brutally rejected by a female agent of Papa John’s.

On the mean streets of the Cambridge Freshers’ Fair, pizza companies fight over the lucrative trade in discount flyers.

In spite of fiery relations between the two rival companies, a sordid tryst had been slowly rising between two star-crusted lovers from Domino’s and Papa John’s.

Their flouring relationship was supposedly tossed away when the youngest member of the Domino’s clan, Mehow, who declined to tell us his surname, was slapped by his assumed lover.

Deciding she’d received the thin end of the slice, the unidentified partner approached Mehow and struck him. A bystander was overheard shouting, ‘Oh, have a pizza that!’

Rival pizza companies often clash over leafleting students at the annual Freshers’ Fair, but this is a Cambridge first.

Mehow spoke to The Tab after the confrontation, saying ‘I was handing out leaflets on Parker’s Piece in front of the Green Pizza leafleters, and then a woman from their group came up and slapped me’.

The other leafleters brushed the issue aside, claiming it was ‘just water under the bridge’. But research into the deadly Cambridge pizza clans reveals this may be a euphemism for ‘sleeping with the fishes’.

Mehow is pretty cut up about it, saying he was only trying to earn a crust. He expresses a desire to see the hostilities between the two families end, but fears that his cheesy love saga will not be enough to bring peace to Cambridge.

Dominoes claims of innocence in the matter began to tumble, as The Tab spotted employees giving two slices of pizza – as opposed to the usual single slice – in exchange for a Pizza Hut bag.

The Tab feels this saucy affair might not be over.