Excuses, excuses, excuses

‘Dog ate my essay’ excuse just not cutting it? ALEX BOWER gives us a lesson in how it’s done.

Alex Bower electrical failure excuses grammar icy cycling conditions missing class orgasm bridge outrage pond juice prison break russian vodka party

There are very few legitimate excuses for missing an exam, but when it comes to classes and essays, that’s a whole other story. Alex Bower has spent the year pushing the boundaries of of plausible cop-outs; maybe next year you can think of a few of your own:

Someone once told me that the key to success is effective time management. As a linguist, I have a pretty hectic schedule with things like “look aloof holding some Kant in the original German in a public place”, and “go to Russian vodka party”. So the last thing I needed to maintain, or indeed start, my 100% attendance record was a streak of rotten luck.

This particular email was sent after the first class of last term. The air was cold, the ground was icy, Nigel Farage was enlightening the nation with his new “lunacy with a human face” policy, and I was desperate to get to class. Only then, disaster struck.


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