CLAUDIA LEONG interviews the insensitive ‘Sensitive Scholar’, whose witty Tab comments are as ubiquitous as bicycles in Cambridge, or Middle Eastern dictators.
He (or she) is the rude, absurd and funny fixture of The Tab, who’s managed to carve out a name for himself amidst the dog-eat-dog world of this esteemed newspaper’s comments section. Everybody knows who he is, yet still his anonymity remains. A Sensitive Scholar is well and truly a Cambridge legend, but nobody has ever pinned him down before.
Nobody, that is, until now.
So who exactly are you, and why are you such a prolific commenter on The Tab?
I’m just your regular, everyday Cambridge student who wants to go speak out against the system, y’know? I never got to make points of information at Thursday night Union debates since that one time I was thrown out for ‘being a nuisance’ (read: ‘groping Richard Dawkins’). My tutor called me a “deeply troubled young man” and recommended that I join some societies, so The Tab is my choice of artistic expression. I’d like to think of myself as the tortured, misunderstood genius type.
And yet you certainly seem to have ambivalent views about those of us who write for The Tab, don’t you?
Well, for every appearance the delicious Mr Hunter Allen makes on TabTV, there’s half a dozen boring articles about undignified things that Tab writers have decided to ‘try’ for the sake of writing an article, or some dullard blathering on about Varsity lacrosse results. Honestly, I only ever go on this website because it’s my one shot at contacting articulate, intelligent, nubile young men for romantic encounters without receiving a restraining order.
Have you ever considered actually writing for The Tab or infiltrating TabTV, just to get a sense of what it’s like on the other end?
Oh, I’ve been interviewed for the Lola Lo Down before, in a drunken yet sensitive stupor. That’s got you guessing now.
What do you have to say to those who claim that your comments are inflammatory and unnecessarily offensive?
They’re just jealous they don’t receive as many thumbs-up as I do. They’re probably the same left wing liberal dolts who think that Girton is as good a college as Trinity, support the CUSU women’s campaign, and believe that Oxbridge should be more state school than it already is. It’s a pity that so many students around here are like this. I seriously considered going to Oxford instead, because at least the Bullingdon Club retains some social prestige. I mean, the Pitt Club is located above Pizza Express, which is so totally povo. How much more bourgeois can you get? But Oxford are below Cambridge in the league tables and I wanted to study in the same hallowed halls as my hero, Nick Griffin.
Do you think that the anonymity of commenting on Tab articles is what gives you your bravado? I mean, you wouldn’t say crude or sexist comments around the Sidgwick Site now, would you?
Yes, but that’s only because it’s frowned upon by most of the roll-up smoking hipsters around the Casimir Lewy Library. I’ll freely admit that I’m often not a nice person. But I’ve never pretended to be one—that’s more than what most people can say, isn’t it?
Once you graduate, do you worry about going from troll under the [Cam]bridge to water under the bridge?
I might graduate, but believe me, I’m going to stick around on The Tab. As my muse, the illustrious Immanuel Kant, once said: “Out of the crooked timber of humanity no straight thing was ever made.” Fancy port and playtime with me, Julius Handler?
Cara Rogers explores the way Cambridge’s productivity culture affects our relationship with cooking and advises us to slow down mealtimes where possible
Many attribute this to “cliquey” colleges and an “isolating” high workload, with 78% of students surveyed reporting that exam term makes loneliness worse
Interview: A Sensitive Scholar
CLAUDIA LEONG interviews the insensitive ‘Sensitive Scholar’, whose witty Tab comments are as ubiquitous as bicycles in Cambridge, or Middle Eastern dictators.
CAMBRIDGE
He (or she) is the rude, absurd and funny fixture of The Tab, who’s managed to carve out a name for himself amidst the dog-eat-dog world of this esteemed newspaper’s comments section. Everybody knows who he is, yet still his anonymity remains. A Sensitive Scholar is well and truly a Cambridge legend, but nobody has ever pinned him down before.
Nobody, that is, until now.
So who exactly are you, and why are you such a prolific commenter on The Tab?
I’m just your regular, everyday Cambridge student who wants to go speak out against the system, y’know? I never got to make points of information at Thursday night Union debates since that one time I was thrown out for ‘being a nuisance’ (read: ‘groping Richard Dawkins’). My tutor called me a “deeply troubled young man” and recommended that I join some societies, so The Tab is my choice of artistic expression. I’d like to think of myself as the tortured, misunderstood genius type.
And yet you certainly seem to have ambivalent views about those of us who write for The Tab, don’t you?
Well, for every appearance the delicious Mr Hunter Allen makes on TabTV, there’s half a dozen boring articles about undignified things that Tab writers have decided to ‘try’ for the sake of writing an article, or some dullard blathering on about Varsity lacrosse results. Honestly, I only ever go on this website because it’s my one shot at contacting articulate, intelligent, nubile young men for romantic encounters without receiving a restraining order.
Have you ever considered actually writing for The Tab or infiltrating TabTV, just to get a sense of what it’s like on the other end?
Oh, I’ve been interviewed for the Lola Lo Down before, in a drunken yet sensitive stupor. That’s got you guessing now.
What do you have to say to those who claim that your comments are inflammatory and unnecessarily offensive?
They’re just jealous they don’t receive as many thumbs-up as I do. They’re probably the same left wing liberal dolts who think that Girton is as good a college as Trinity, support the CUSU women’s campaign, and believe that Oxbridge should be more state school than it already is. It’s a pity that so many students around here are like this. I seriously considered going to Oxford instead, because at least the Bullingdon Club retains some social prestige. I mean, the Pitt Club is located above Pizza Express, which is so totally povo. How much more bourgeois can you get? But Oxford are below Cambridge in the league tables and I wanted to study in the same hallowed halls as my hero, Nick Griffin.
Do you think that the anonymity of commenting on Tab articles is what gives you your bravado? I mean, you wouldn’t say crude or sexist comments around the Sidgwick Site now, would you?
Yes, but that’s only because it’s frowned upon by most of the roll-up smoking hipsters around the Casimir Lewy Library. I’ll freely admit that I’m often not a nice person. But I’ve never pretended to be one—that’s more than what most people can say, isn’t it?
Once you graduate, do you worry about going from troll under the [Cam]bridge to water under the bridge?
I might graduate, but believe me, I’m going to stick around on The Tab. As my muse, the illustrious Immanuel Kant, once said: “Out of the crooked timber of humanity no straight thing was ever made.” Fancy port and playtime with me, Julius Handler?
CAMBRIDGE
Karaoke bars and rent-free stays: Welcome to the UK’s most *stunning* student apartments
The vibes are ✨excellent✨
BRANDS
Ukrainian medical students arrive in Cambridge for clinical placements
CAMBRIDGE
The students are arriving from Kharkiv, where their training was interrupted by the war
The May Ball: Not actually the seventh best party in the world?
CAMBRIDGE
A short look into the effect of these extravagant events
Bursars’ Committee agrees to pay raise for supervisors
CAMBRIDGE
J4CS called the move “unsatisfactory” as it was “sub-inflationary”
University of Cambridge ranks 45/80 on mental health support
CAMBRIDGE
Cambridge was graded “very poor” by students on their satisfaction and engagement
Cambridge launches support package ‘Cambridge University Help for Ukraine’
CAMBRIDGE
Launched Monday 27/06, the package seeks to ensure that the Ukrainian Higher Education sector can continue to flourish, both now and in the future
HRH The Duke of Gloucester has officially opened Trinity Hall’s WongAvery Music Gallery
CAMBRIDGE
The gallery is set provide extra space for both students and visiting musicians to practise and perform, and was opened on June 24th
Cambridge defeat Oxford 5-0 at 2022’s Esports Varsity
CAMBRIDGE
This brings Cambridge into the lead in the history of Esports Varsity, with 5 all-time wins to Oxford’s 4
Meet the Cambridge student climbing a mountain blindfolded for charity
CAMBRIDGE
Ed Smith, a second year at St John’s, is going to attempt to climb a Thai mountain blindfolded to raise money for the RNIB
Review: A Doll’s House
CAMBRIDGE
Ibsen’s 1879 classic, retold on the Cambridge stage.
10 things you MUST do in Cambridge before you graduate
CAMBRIDGE
From the mouths of Cambridge students themselves… But which ones haven’t you done yet?
QUIZ: Which Cambridge college should you have applied to?
CAMBRIDGE
Hate to break it to you, but no your college isn’t the best one
Opinion: Can there be a rebalancing of university admissions without discrimination?
CAMBRIDGE
The dominance of white, privately educated men within the university admissions system might soon be a thing of the past
Discussing the Shadowing Scheme and online access with the SU Access Officer
CAMBRIDGE
Zaynab talks to The Tab about the successes and challenges of organising an online access programme
Whats On: May Week Edition
CAMBRIDGE
All the information you need to know for May Week, including May Balls and Garden Parties
The Tab sits down with Stormy Daniels
CAMBRIDGE
‘There are more assholes in politics than porn’
Review: How to Live, Laugh and Love (with Sophie Stemmons)
CAMBRIDGE
A hilarious stand-up show by Footlight Sophie Stemmons, which had the audience in stitches
12 types of people you’ll see in the library: Cambridge edition
CAMBRIDGE
Exam stress affects everybody differently, and there’s no place better to see that in action than in the College library
On Finding Time to Cook in Cambridge
CAMBRIDGE
Cara Rogers explores the way Cambridge’s productivity culture affects our relationship with cooking and advises us to slow down mealtimes where possible
The best things about Cambridge, according to Cambridge students
CAMBRIDGE
Using the scientifically robust method of an Instagram poll, we found out your favourite things about Cambridge
‘Socialising = procrastinating’: 84% of students have felt lonely at Cambridge
CAMBRIDGE
Many attribute this to “cliquey” colleges and an “isolating” high workload, with 78% of students surveyed reporting that exam term makes loneliness worse
Debunked: Here’s how the honey method on TikTok helps you manifest the love of your life
UK
Some people have said it can be very dangerous
Danica reveals she had management before the villa who ‘arranged’ Love Island application
UK
She says she was approached by Neon Management back in January
Police release CCTV of student nurse who’s been missing for over a month
UK
Owami Davies was last seen on 7th July
Love Island denies claims Jacques was kicked off the show for mocking Tasha’s voice
UK
The claims came from a series of messages in a WhatsApp group
Tory millionaires: Conservative MPs and their absolutely mind-boggling net worths
UK
Boris was once paid a rate of £20k an HOUR for public speaking engagements
Danica says Billy caused her ‘lowest moment’ in the villa and almost made her quit
UK
‘I was ready to walk at that point, as I was so over being walked over, pied and rejected’
Inside Love Island star Coco’s wild life: From famous friends to being on other reality shows
UK
Since she left the villa she’s been at the centre of TWO alleged breakups
This is what other European countries are doing to help with the cost of living crisis
UK
Hopping over to the continent is sounding pretty appealing right now
From Jess to Ekin-Su: All 16 winners of Love Island definitively ranked from worst to best
UK
Liam Reardon I will never forgive you for Casa Amor
Coco Lodge is a true menace and this recap of all her post-Love Island antics proves it
UK
We should’ve known she was chaos the minute we saw she was the chosen one for Andrew’s tongue
All the young and hilarious TikTok stars in the UK you need to be watching right now
UK
What’s everyone having for their tea?
Russell Group universities churn out more carbon emissions than Greenland
UK
They were collectively responsible for over 750k tonnes of CO2 emissions in a single year
Inside the massive Brighton mansion where Love Island’s Luca Bish lives with his family
UK
He’s got a hot tub and a telly in the *same* room
Instant Dream Home on Netflix sees deserving families’ homes transformed in just 12 hours
UK
It’s like the crossover of Queer Eye and Dream Home Makeover
These are the celebrities who have the largest percentage of fake Instagram followers
UK
It’s no surprise all the Kardashians are in the top 10
A TikTok conspiracy theory says this uni’s Vice-Chancellor is actually Banksy
UK
Apparent evidence includes a Banksy mural suspiciously appearing the day after he had the day off work 👀
The full shocking story of new Netflix true crime series I Just Killed My Dad
UK
The series follows the dark case of the Templet family
Here we go again! We predict who Pete Davidson is going to date next
UK
Who’s ready for a HPS (Hot Pete Summer)?
Jacob Elordi says he had $400 in his bank and was sleeping in his car before Euphoria
UK
If he didn’t get the role of Nate Jacobs, he was going to move back to Australia
Former Love Islanders react to the Jacques and Luca Instagram live saga
UK
Adam’s response is pretty iconic
Antigoni is being accused of slut-shaming Ekin-Su in unearthed Instagram video
UK
Anitgoni has denied slut-shaming Ekin-Su