Pancake Pandemonium

Pancake Day is, of course, riddled with irony. In the days of yore, pancakes were cobbled together on Shrove Tuesday by pious people wanting to clear the cupboards of all the food – flour and sugar particularly – that Lent would deprive them of the next day. Now by contrast, we hot-foot it to Madame Sains to actually fill our baskets with ingredients (and rarely, I venture, whilst thinking about God and how much he’ll appreciate our ecclesiastical efforts).

Irritatingly, however, pancakes are tricky to get right. The first one is always a disaster, obvs, but mixtures easily become riddled with awkward flour lumps that pop mid-fry, blossoming like white flowers in the centre of your crêpe. Here are three recipes that I guarantee will win you some serious brownie points with the big man in the sky.

Svelte French crêpes

There are two secrets to making good crêpes. I reveal them now – add melted butter to the batter and the milk relatively late on in the mixing process to prevent lumps.

For about ten crepes, melt a knob of butter in a bowl. Add two eggs, half a cup of milk and a cup of flour in a bowl. Beat like crazy. Once smooth, add another half cup of milk and beat again. Fry and flip, if you dare.

Like that van in town but with a more personal touch

American fatso pancakes with bacon ‘n’ shit

The key to a successful American-style pancake is self-raising flour. Plain flour just don’t cut it.

For about five American pancakes, whisk two eggs with 1.5 cups of self-raising flour, a cup of milk and two tablespoon of caster sugar. Add blueberries to the batter if desired. Heat a buttered pan (see above) and pour a generous ladleful of batter onto it. Wait until it has risen and ostensibly cooked through before turning it over.

Here’s how our cousins across the pond do things

 PC Ukrainian potato pancakes

For two very filling Ukrainian pancakes, make up a half quantity of the American pancake mix minus the sugar. Add a chopped onion, two grated potatos and a grated courgette. Season with garlic, salt and pepper, and thyme. Fry as you might an omelette. Serve with copious amounts of tommy kizzle and/or Geeta’s.

You don’t need a sweet tooth to enjoy a good pancake