Zombie Haiku

LEO PARKER-REES / Writes review in haiku form / Just because he can.

bad Chloe Mashiter Comedy Corpus Playroom haiku leo parker-rees one star oskar mccarthy poetry Robbie Aird Theatre Zombie Haiku

Corpus Playroom, 24th-28th January, 9.30pm, £5-6

Directed by Chloe Mashiter

[rating: 1/5]

My review will be

Written only in haikus

Because it’s easy.

This play had promise,

It seemed weird enough to be

Quite entertaining.

These eight photographs/ Were done with a camera / By Sana Ayub

Let down from the start

By disappointing acting,

I wanted to leave.

It wasn’t their fault,

Actors do well with good scripts,

Not cheesy clichés.

The tech was awful.

I know it was the first night,

But that’s no excuse.

The opening scene,

Vital in setting the tone,

Was ruined by lights.

The set was cluttered

By too many wooden chairs

And (unused) wheelchairs

Slowly lined up chairs

Presumably meant something.

It was unclear what.

Sloppy chair-shifting

And physical theatre

Are not the same thing.

The dances and fights

Were far from entertaining.

Too G.C.S.E.

I never worked out

What was being attempted.

Funny? Scary? No.

Oskar McCarthy

Seemed too greedy for laughter,

Despite earning none.

Robbie Aird was fine,

No show-saving performance,

But he did his job.

The rest of the cast

Were an under-rehearsed blur.

Not polished at all.

Speakers played haikus

Read by multiple voices

With ‘spooky’ delay.

Was it meant to scare?

We get it, hungry zombies.

Stop telling me twice.

I winced at the end.

A zombie transformation?

Of course! Flash red light!

The odd combining

Of poem with flesh-eating

Can’t carry a show.

Just imagine this

Plus naff dramatic techniques

Minus comedy

Whatever its aims,

This production didn’t work;

The wrong kind of mess.

The programme tells me

It’s entered a festival.

I don’t think that’s wise.