Exclusive: Anarchy At The ADC As Police Are Called

Thespian revellers in the ADC bar last night had their mannered backscratches disrupted by a drunken anarchist throwing glasses at the bar staff, The Tab can exclusively reveal.

At around half past midnight in the ADC bar a mid twenties woman, upset that she had not yet been served by the student bar staff, stood on a table and began shouting and throwing glass .

The bar was packed as everyone was busy letting their friends know they weren’t at Cindies.

Police surround the venue.

When the woman, who has not been identified but is believed not to be a student, began her tirade the reaction was positive.

People cheered as she stood on a coffee table and began to bellow.

However, students quickly drew back as things took a turn, and she began throwing glass and screaming.

Moments later everything had changed again, as the woman was collapsed on the floor underneath the upturned table, and ADC staff member Richard Bates swiftly called the police.

Her anger had not subsided, and as the whole bar meekly awaited the arrival of Cambridge Constabulary’s finest she continued to shout, and became physically threatening to groups she perceived to be tittering at her.

Glass, everywhere.

What seemed to begin as anger at delayed alcohol became, in the spirit of yesterday’s events, a politically-motivated rant.

She screamed ‘they’ll wreck our lives, there’ll be no benefits, no education’ – and it was clear she was winning the sympathies of some people in the room.

This swiftly became aggressive once more, however, as she turned on the students, shouting ‘you’ve no fucking clue what it’ll be like, you’ve never been poor…you’re all fucking Lords’.

This was not the case, of course, as Cambridge has allowed both men and women to matriculate for some time now – although the daughter of Sir Trevor Nunn was in attendance.

When the police arrived the woman was pinned against the wall by three officers, and began to repeat the chant ‘police protect property’ almost literally ad nauseam.

This all proved too much for several of the theatrical Cantabs watching, who burst into tears and panic attacks. The ADC staff responded quickly, however; some bringing water to the affected and others tidying up the broken glass generously decorating most of the bar.

Lighting guru Simon Gethin Thomas quickly brushed up any dangerous shards, while Communications Officer Katie Churchill was on hand with a hoover before the dust had time to settle. ‘It’s ok, I quite like hoovering’ she told The Tab.

Katie Churchill hoovers happily.

The woman was taken down the stairs of the ADC and removed from the scene – luckily there seemed no recourse for the police dog unit waiting outside.

People were still crying an hour later, and many had to finish their nights early. As Abi Bennett, a second year at Catz and Tab theatre reviewer, remarked, ‘the ADC is not the place to come for anarchy, I suppose’.