Cow’s Death Was Dairyliction Of Duty

Staff at King’s have expressed their outrage after the death of a cow at the college was mis-reported.

It was reported last week that the death was the result of an infection.

However The Tab has learned that the heavily pregnant animal died because of neglect by the college farmer.

The cow and its unborn calf were left to die during labour for three days after the farmer refused to call a vet.

The college allegedly has tried to cover up the scandal amid claims of animal cruelty from staff.

An anonymous source from within the college staff let slip to The Tab that plans are afoot to call the RSPCA. They said: “There’s a lot of anger in the college about this.

“One of the other cows is also pregnant. How do we know the same thing won’t happen to her?”.

Students have described the cows as “like college pets”.

Charlotte Dixon, a Grad student said “I used to have names for them all. It’s such a tragedy that one was left to die with all of college watching.”

The porters refused to give details of the death and maintained that King’s College does not have immediate responsibility for the animals’ welfare.

However, referring to rumours that the cows have been served on the King’s formal menu in the past, one porter said “we do eat them every day”.

Sources have suggested that those who loved the cow are being hushed up by King’s, who maintain that an infection was the cause of death.

Both students and staff at the college seem to agree that it’s no calfing matter.