Tom Davenport’s Strictly Speaking

History of Art trip to British Museum ‘complete chaos’

Things got out of hand on a trip to the British Museum last week, when a group of art historians studying the drawings of Raphael became over excited in the ‘print room.’ The group of 11, led by the internationally renowned Professor Johnandinnes were ultimately expelled from the museum for their ‘disruptive and unusual behaviour.’

Although no official statements were made by the Art History Faculty, and insider told the TAB that one girl’s attempt to ‘spread eagle’ one of the small early fifteenth century works was a source of particular alarm for the museum authorities. Other members of the group were driven into states of artistic ecstasy and were unable to stop themselves from emitting loud and rapturous groans. Museum attendants had to intervene to prevent some from removing all their clothes while one emotionally volatile student was seen leaving the print room in floods of tears.

Such was the level of excitement inside the nexus of British art historical scholarship that almost all of the group were seen to be quivering, even sweating as they viewed the famous drawings. Onlookers reported that attendants seemed particularly concerned for the safety of the works themselves.

A spokesman for the museum commented ‘we are aware that the ravishing nature of some of our finest drawings can stimulate wild reactions in onlookers. This is something that we take very seriously and we have measures in place to ensure that not too many stratospherically detailed works are concentrated in one place. Above all we value the safety of those who visit the museum and we never intend to stimulate hysteria.’