Robert Smith: Culture Vulture

You can tell it’s the start of Easter term. The dreaded yellow forms have appeared in the pigeonholes, everyone has swapped Jack Wills trackies for Jack Wills shorts and tourists, once a mild annoyance, have turned into a full blown case of street-herpes. In the most mentally damaging university in the country this is definitely the most mentally damaging term.

Second years and beyond already know this of course, but I’m sure many freshers have just spilt their midday Turbo-Shandies out of shock. Fear not young freshlings, because I will help you maintain your sanity. Come here every Monday as I will be forsaking vital revision time in order to provide you with the best cultural highlights in Cambridge each week. Some of them are even entirely online so you have no excuse not to follow one of the suggestions. So let’s get on shall we, I wouldn’t want to interrupt your valuable procrastination for too long now would I?

Art: Fantastic pub The Geldart has an exhibition of photos of Cuban Cars on for the rest of the months. Booze, crisps and communist engineering- is there any better combination?

Food and Drink: My parents keep telling me that eating healthily will help me revise and they’re probably right. With this mind I decided to even brave a take-away Falafel from a stand by NatWest the other day. I’m glad I did though because it was as nice as any Gardies meal. The man at the stall also assured me that it was really healthy, and who am I to doubt a man in the street trying to sell me something?

Music: You haven’t got the time to see gigs, you should be revising you lazy Tab reader. Ah go on, you’d only sit around scrawling phalluses over your revision notes anyway. Old school kicks this week with Ash on Tuesday and Miss Dynamite on Thursday. Hopefully neither will play ‘new material’.

Film: The Infidel, The Ghost and (for the four of you who haven’t seen it yet) Kick-Ass are all excellent bets this week. The cream of the crop has to be the re-release of Alfred Hitchcock’s seminal Psycho all this week at the Arts Picturehouse. Be warned though, as it’ll make you want to use your dodgy college shower even less than you did before.

Television: Anyone else grown sick of iPlayer? I’ve got a new way to spice it up: play the livefeed from Babestation while listening to the livefeed from BBC Parliament. Hearing sexy Chloe discuss electoral reform is hypnotic I promise.

Style: Take your mind off the impending horror of exams by planning your May Week outfits early. Guys, head over to Savvy Row if you want to be the most sartorial chap at the Union Garden Party.

Union: Andrew Chapman, Obergruppenführer of the Cambridge Union, has asked me to big up all the great people speaking this term. As funny as it would be to not mention the Union at all from now on, there is some stuff actually worth seeing this term. Question Time totty Bonnie Greer is speaking in the BNP debate this week, as well as the most punchable man in highbrow journalism Fraser Nelson.

YouTube Video of the Week: The long awaited Review of Star Wars: Episode Two is up. If you fancy a 90-minute long systematic attack on Lucas’s malformed brainchild, interspersed with a surreal kidnapping subplot of course, you’re in for a treat.