Dirty Little Secrets

LVJ: Maybe it’s time you washed those knickers.


We’re all guilty of it. We’re all a little bit lazy, a little prone to take shortcuts. Everyone’s got unpleasant habits they don’t advertise to the general public, that they hide even from their friends…so just how gross are you being?

First thing: the domestic fail. Washing up. Laundry. That sort of thing. When it comes to how long you can leave your dishes in the sink, the socially acceptable length of time depends largely on how full the sink is, how many other people use it and how close the dishes are to growing mould. But you do have to wash them – and that means Fairy plus some alone time with the green and yellow scrubby pad things. Then drying. Cups are a bit different though; if only you use them, and it’s only had tea in it, surely a quick rinse out will do? Final point on the gyp-room theme: out of date food. Scraping the mould off bread? Ok. Funky smelling cheese? Less so. And if your stuff does go rancid, you still own it. So man up, grab it, and bin it. It’s smelt bad for a while and none of us are enjoying that. Clean up any spillage that you manage and your kitchen hygiene is pretty much sorted. Well done.

Now to the dreaded laundry. We all know we don’t go often enough, but while not separating whites and colours is a minor sin we all commit, wearing dirty clothes is not good prep. If there’s nothing spilt on it, you’ve worn it a couple of times but it doesn’t smell, then you can probably get away with it. If it’s got a coke stain on the front or escaped the last, this last rule doesn’t apply. As for underwear, the re-wear rule never applies. I don’t care how inconvenient it is, it’s gross. Worst comes to worst, there’s a Primark in town now. Nip down there and stock up on bargain basement tighty whities. Now, sheets and towels. Honestly, I think sheets are the secret sin of the majority of the students in the country. You know you should change them way more than you do, but it just seems a bit less gross not to wash your sheets than to not wash your clothes. Plus it’s a lot more hassle trying to dry sheets. For this reason, if you don’t manage to get a fresh set on every week you’re forgiven, but as soon as you’re aware they haven’t been changed in a while, its time to make the switch. Towels work on the same principles.

As for general tidiness, if you can see the floor you’re doing well. Or you’re kind of anal. As long as you’re not at the stage where you die with shame as soon as anyone sees the pit of clothes, books, and old newspapers that is your bedroom then it’s ok. No one is organised enough to know where all their stuff is at all times but if you could stick to losing favourite blue tops as opposed to supervision sheets or essays minutes before the deadline then that’d be a plus. A messy room is up there with sleeping from 4am till noon in being a ‘bad’ habit so widespread it’s fairly run of the mill. Next up is the FML moment when you start the reading 2am the night before the supervision, or the one when you can’t account for a good £70 spend on your bank statement the night you went to Cindies. Sound familiar?

We’re all guilty of doing a lot of stuff mummy wouldn’t approve of, but if it takes you more than an hour to parent-proof when they visit, or are genuinely risking illness, then it’s time to sort your life out. If however, you’re just a lazy bastard, then you’re fine to keep festering for the last 2 weeks.