Addicted, In Spite of Yourself?
CHARLOTTE WU fills us in on the ridiculous lives of our ITV2 alter-egos, the characters of Trinity.
Fifth week: when our little Cambridge world threatens to pop, leaving us wild-eyed and bemused in a soap-sud of insanity. Supervisors practically expect psychotherapist’s notes to replace essays. But if the pressures of your dreamy spirey life are getting too much, take a moment to consider those less fortunate than yourselves: the students of Bridgeford. Look at Jonty: his boyfriend’s been murdered by the Dean and his disturbingly-eyebrowed sidekick, and when he robbed his coffin to uncover the secret behind his ‘suicide’ he was locked in the underground laboratory and had something creepy implanted in him. ‘A bit of the blues’ doesn’t really cover it.
If you caught last week’s intro to Trinity, you’ve had ample time to watch episode one on ITV player with mingled horror/euphoria, proclaim that it’s 'the shittest thing you’ve ever seen' (surely implicit, so about as constructive as criticising leggings for being extremely tight trousers), nevertheless have incited within you an incurable desire to relieve the suspense (greatest mystery: whether it can possibly get any worse), find yourself addicted not even ironically, and catch up to last night’s episode – so we’re all on the same page? Good.
Will this series finale expose the Dandelion Club’s secrets? Will Charlotte and Dorian overcome their social differences to find love? Will Reggie Yates please be killed off? And how much of it all is (worryingly) real?
Realer than Dorian maintaining an elegant reclining posture even when he’s just been shot
· Dorian sends reassuring texts from Charlotte’s phone so no one will realise she’s missing: “one to your black friend, and one to your mad friend”. Ticking those boxes. +2
· Warden: 'I woke up with an excited feeling, what could that be do you suppose?' Dean: 'Menopause.' Banter. +5
· Dorian is peeved at having such a difficult girlfriend, 'You’re always making me choose, aren’t you- save the girl or keep the club? Keep the club or save the girl?' Pretty sure you’ve only been asked to make one choice there Dor – not to kill your girlfriend. Girls just so much less reasonable than Dandelion chaps. +5
· The warden assures Reggie they’ll find Charlotte: he scoffs his doubt and gets on the case himself – by brooding meaningfully in his room. +3
· Dorian thinks Romeo and Juliet live happily ever after, despite being an English student. +2
· Rosalind tries to convey her impending doom to Reggie, who tells her her silly little games are 'just not real'. He knows all about keeping things real – he’s from Lewisham. +5
· The two college idiots wear college scarves on the last day: at least someone on the bus home might be impressed. +2
Faker than the dean whipping a silk hanky off a plate of éclairs to celebrate end of term (only because it’s never happened to me and I wish it would)
· When Charlotte wakes handcuffed to a bed in a bare attic room, Dorian’s eating a bowl of Cheerio’s in the corner… takeaway? -2
· The snoopy female warden discovers the Dean communicating to the Project 'in a corridor'. She’s barely even having to try to be nosy- just walking around really. -3
· Reggie pours himself some coffee in Rosalind’s room. More than coffee is getting heated when Lord Gaudain walks in – Reggie not only ignores obvious cue to leave, but is offended when is told to. What does he expect – ‘So, daddy, this is my half-naked shag-buddy. Shag-buddy, daddy’? -10
· Charlotte, 'you’re going to hit me? Dorian, I’m a girl!' Love, he just bundled you into a sack and imprisoned you for over 12 hours. Not sure hitting girls is off his cards. -5 (See also, 'you’re a don! Not a murderer!')
· Having the creepy mask man in your face would NOT be comforting, even if he had just saved your life -5. (If he did turn out to be your previously presumed-dead dad though, possibly. +5) .
· Rosalind’s being married off to China apparently. We get it, things aren’t always rosy in the ruling classes – but couldn’t her father just have sold a Rembrandt instead? -5
The ending resolves almost nothing. ITV2 clearly thinks it’s getting a second season. In this college, literally nothing is too absurd. Until next term…