Food Review: Boots

The Boots Meal Deal: ****1/2

I took a seat by the window and glanced around at the simple, elegant décor of the King’s Parade Chop House. Content young academics and their families burbled happily around me, tourists wandered past and children giggled at the Corpus Clock. I took a second to breath in the atmosphere and then, with a cheerful smile, opened the menu. As I glanced down the choices, the smile fell from my lips. There was no way I could afford to review this place, not after last night, not before the next loan arrived.

Disheartened, I slipped out before the waitress noticed and trudged in the direction of Senate House. Even a generous lump of free Fudge Kitchen fudge did nothing to relieve my spirits. The Copper Kettle was far too much, Bennett’s looked a bit out of my price range and even the Big Mac Meal was somewhat steep. And, just as I was considering roughing myself up, rubbing mud into my hair and guilt tripping a few hapless pedestrians into a free lunch, I glimpsed something from the corner of my eye which made my heart skip a beat. My pulse quickened and an expression of wild-eyed ecstasy swept my face. For, shining in the near-distance like some sanctified consumer Mecca, stood Boots the chemist.

Like a starving cannibal in a morgue, I skipped through the door and danced in the direction of the meal deal aisle, whistling a tune of gaiety and supreme glee. Flicking through the sandwich selection, I scanned the labels for the product with the highest calorie content. When I eventually happened on the “Delicious Chicken Three-Pack” my soul delighted in spasms of pure joy. Grabbling a 500ml can of lemonade in one arm and a generous helping of olives in the other and shaking off a fit of unadulterated rapture, I charged towards the checkout.

The service was unpretentious and expedient to a startling degree and while it was rather brusque in telling that there was an unexpected item in the bagging area, the speed with which my meal was delivered into my arms wholly remedied the defect. And all this for only three pounds sterling! A few minutes later, as I sat on a wall, gazed at the architectural splendour of King’s and thoughtfully munched an olive, I grinned to myself. It was time to cogitate dinner.