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The grimmest things you’ve seen in clubs as a Brookes student

We asked for your rankest experiences

Student life was never made out to be high class dinner jackets or manor houses, well, maybe it is for that uni across the road. But at Brookes, classy to us means you didn’t throw up in the shower this morning. And if that’s you, well done, you’ve won today.

You aren’t a proper student unless you’ve been stumbling along the cobbled streets in heels after a big night at MNB, but along with all of this come the grimmest parts of club life. We asked you for the skankiest things you’ve done or witnessed in a club, the kind of antics that'll haunt you for a week, but will remain fun anecdotes for a lifetime.

Life hacks for a messy night

I found a small life hack on how to keep tidy and classy while wasted. By ordering a glass of water at the bar, I proceeded to dance while vomiting into an empty glass, able to enjoy the rest of the night… until the glass was full.

Chunder on the dance floor

I threw up on the stairs at a club then, in the blink of an eye, latched on to some lad – kissing him like I hadn’t just decorated the stairs with my dinner a second before. My friend stood there shocked. Apparently it all happened in the space of five minutes.

Flooded toilets

I was working the night one of the club's toilets flooded. I was smiling, all smug, as I got to go home earlier that night, watching a stampede of angry students try to find their coat and a way out. The clean up of the night, and the amount of grease and dirt caked around the hoard of VK bottles, was what slapped my smug smile off my face.

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No one can stop drunk girls

When the club flooded they decided not to close for the night, and lucky people like me got stuck on clean up duty. There I was mopping up a hopeless case of brown slush, when hoards of drunk girls waited and stumbled around the toilets while I worked. Most did not seem to understand they couldn’t go in the toilets we were guarding. They drunkenly tried to persuade us to let them go in there. We had one girl passed out on an almost flooded toilet – that was a sorry sight to see.

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An unforgettable sight

One of the grimmest nights I have encountered was the night a club flooded. Chaos ensued. As the toilets overflowed with urine and people. Trying to dodge round it all, a girl helped me out by opening the door for me and a friend, then proceed to squat down and pee.

To this day I doubt whether she was still peeing when she opened the door for us. I can picture in my mind her urine soaking into the carpet, as she drunkenly smiled up at me. That image is ingrained in my brain forever.

Getting handsy on the dance floor

I witnessed a handsy straight couple who'd infiltrated the middle of the place, and it took me a moment too long to realise they weren’t just drunkenly slow dancing, with his arms around her waist. No. It was a lot more disturbing, her flies were undone, and he shoved his hand inside. Still, it gave security a good show.

Nothing says 'romance' better than public toilets

My friend came up to visit me from home one weekend and we went out clubbing. At one point she vanished for a bit. We were texting her and looking for her. At last we found her – she told us that she's met some guy, and they shagged in the toilets!

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Accidental activist

It was the middle of the night. Me and my friends were blackout drunk, stumbling around Oxford in search of a club. We noticed a sign for a club which said it was having a 'special' party, so we started to hobble there. Weirdly, there was no one around.

After a confusing conversation with the bouncer about if they were open yet or not, he told us it was a private event and seemed to think we were invited guests. We didn't correct him. Inside, we failed to realise the kind of clothes people are wearing and no one read the posters on the walls. We all grab drinks and find a table.

I was approached by an overly friendly girl and we went to get drinks together. She says we should be the first two on the dance floor to get everyone else dancing, and I agree. One thing led to another, we were kissing and it was all going well – until I turned around to see everyone's jaws hit the floor. I didn't understand why everyone was staring at us like I'd just killed her or something. Legging it to the toilets I finally read the damn sign. The event was for the celebration of Holi, hosted by Oxford's conservative Hindu society. I'm not sure whether this makes me a total moron or an accidental activist.

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A very sour skeleton

Picture it: First year, Halloween. What could go wrong? Well, walking in with a Day of The Dead glitter skull on my face, I only had time to get a drink before someone vomited all over me like a tsunami. When I rushed to the toilets, I discovered they'd also got it in my drink. Gotta say – whoever it was had good aim. I still have no idea who it was, I was too drunk to find the perpetrator, but I went home early on Halloween and didn't go clubbing for a few months after that.