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There are seven types of Brookes students we can guarantee you’ve met

Tag yourself, I’m the flat-out drunkard

You've only got to spend five minutes in the JHB to spot all seven of the classic Brookes stereotypes. If you've never seen them, you've been living under a rock as Brookes is crawling with 'em.

Whether you're a drunk or a sporting god, there's a place for you here at Brookes and in our hearts. Take a look at these offensively accurate descriptions and try telling us you're not one of these.

The Sporting God

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Their annoyingly good looks outshine any talent they might actually possess – apart from sport. When it comes to sport, these god-like students are faster, stronger, and able to drink more than any of us mere mortals.

Every Wednesday night, after a rowdy sports social, these students will be found at Fishies, soaking up the VKs in various pieces of stolen costumes. They may seem shiny, but these students are pure filth, one night and you'll need to visit the clinic.

The ‘Wannabe Oxford Uni’ Student

Being in such close proximity to Oxford University, it's easy to wish you were there and the students that do stick out like a virgin in a brothel. While most turn up to uni with enough bottles of cheap wine to barely last freshers week, these students arrive with enough bottles of vintage port to last their whole degree.

They are the ones you can spot with the wind in their duffle coat and a satchel filled with law books strapped to their back as they cycle back down to earth and into the JHB.

The Trendsetter

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This type of student is probably Brookes' most common, no matter how indie they think they are. These are the ones who trek around in their mom jeans and clear glasses, which they don’t actually need for medical reasons but, hey, they look cool. They manage to turn literally anything into a fashion trend, like literally anything.

The Flat-out Drunkard

Let’s be honest, we are all guilty of being this person. This person is the life of the party, the one who can be found at every MNB with their dignity hanging by the thread of their PLT bandage dress. After a banging night out they will always be doing something classy: probably down piss alley, stuffing their faces with Kebab King while their one night stand looks on.

However, these students take their studies extremely seriously and will make it to their 9am psychology lecture, no matter how drunk they are from the night before.

That Good Ol’ Student Union Rep

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You’ll be lucky if you get through your whole degree (or Freshers' Week) without meeting this person. While they think they are helping you make your way through Brookes, their intense level of enthusiasm will make you want to run in the opposite direction.

The amount of Brookes merchandise they throw at you is enough to make you cringe, as well as their obsessive need to try and involve you in the union. Please, I’m struggling to make it through lectures let alone participate in anything else, leave me be.

The posh and super stylish one

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These students are the ones we wish we were. The JHB is their catwalk. Strutting through their marketing degree with a swish of their perfectly placed golden locks. They can be found cheering the rugby boys on at Varsity games and Snapchatting it like they actually know what's going on.

These students are the posh ones, the one who didn’t quite cut it for a Russell Group because, instead of studying, they spent their time on Instagram. It's okay though, their feed is aesthetic fire.

The Social Recluse

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These hermits rarely venture out of their cave-like room. They will have spent the last three days under their duvet binge watching Netflix, only coming out to get snacks and then retreating back to their hole. They will have been wearing the same leavers hoodie for about a fortnight just to avoid going to the laundry where they run the risk of actually having to look someone in the eye.