Every embarrassing thing Brookes freshers still do and need to stop doing immediately

You’re still a bunch of actual idiots


Even though you freshers have begun another semester of alcohol abuse and sleeping through lectures, you still can't make it to the top floor of JHB without having an asthma attack.

It's okay to admit you're not a well-seasoned Brookes student yet, besides, we all see you, you ain't slick hun.

You're still getting lost

You may be pretending to scroll through Instagram, but everyone can see that campus map on your screen, and no, CLC.2.12 is not part of an algebraic equation. Don't worry little fresher, there's only like five campuses and an entire city for you to navigate.

You're referring to your lecturers as 'Miss'

Okay, most of us cringe at the idea of calling lecturers by their first name for a couple of weeks. But a whole semester down the line and you're still putting your hand up in seminars and asking, "Sir, can I go to the toilet?"

This isn't Fifty Shades of Brookes. We're paying for their time now, we can call them whatever the fuck we want.

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None of you know how to use the printers

You managed to avoid using them for an entire semester, but now it's time to nut up or shut up. In an attempt to salvage your dignity you refuse to ask for help, but then end up looking like a tit anyway when you try to scan your card on pretty much anything rectangular. Not cool.

Meal planning? You clearly don't go here

Three days into the semester and you're an advertisement for health with your kale and quinoa salads and low-fat everything. Yet, you open the cupboard and see what's left: a can of spaghetti hoops and half a pack of Oreos. Bon appetit.

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You're leaving your washes until you're wearing pants from at least six weeks ago

Midnight washes are a great time for reflection and deep thinking. Mostly about why a single wash uses up half your loan, but also what the bloody hell a perm press is?

Thinking you can handle your alcohol

Finishing off your bottle of corner shop vodka may seem like 'jokes' at the time, until you end up passed out in the club with Atik stamps all over your face by 11pm.

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Doors are your actual worst enemy

Whoever designed the doors at Brookes is laughing to themselves right now. Do you have to push the button? Will they open automatically? Is it a push or pull? Each one is different, and each time you get it wrong.

You're expecting to find your soulmate around every corner

How many times did your Gran tell you "most people find their husband/wife at uni"? So, why was a ten second interaction with the Deliveroo guy the closest thing you had to a Valentines Day date? *opens Bumble*

You always forget about the weekly fire drill

Why they need to test the accommodation fire alarms at the crack of dawn is a mystery. After a big night out, the *early* morning wake up comes as a shock every time.

You're naive and a bit of a twat still

Overall, you still don't have a clue what you're doing, but neither does anyone else. Welcome to the world of blowing your student loans and lying to your parents on the reg.

Freshers, we hate you but we love you.