How to become a professional procrastinator
Just in case you’re doing your essays too easily
Procrastinating from doing your six assignments that are due tomorrow is an essential part of university life. Therefore, it is important that if you are going to do it, you do it correctly.
Thank you Netflix for providing us with hundreds of eight series TV shows to distract us from doing work. In order to be a good procrastinator you have to get to at least season five of ‘Gossip Girl’. There isn’t really any turning back by this point as you have to find out if Blair and Chuck will end up together, it’s much more important than your degree.
Doing something creative
Taking up a hobby is great. Become Mozart on the piano or paint a pretty picture. These things are very important when you have an essay due at 1pm the next day. Everybody knows that the true procrastinator does not complete their work until five minutes before the essay is due.
Social media is great because you can sit and stalk people for hours, fill up your time laughing at memes and update how you are feeling every five minutes. Twitter is particularly great because you can procrastinate for hours debating the world’s issues with random strangers who are also procrastinating.
This is an essential part of being a good procrastinator. You can never have too much food while you’re working, but this can be hard as a student as you can’t even afford bread.
If you have an essay due the next morning then naturally a big night out is in order to calm your nerves. Just make sure you blast out the essay five minutes before it’s due.
Develop an addiction to GTA, Mario Kart, Sporcle… try out every game you can to prevent you from doing work. Coming first on Rainbow Road is more of an achievement than getting a first in your degree.
This may sound like a bad thing to do instead of completing essays. But think how tidy your room could be. And don’t you think your walls could do with more decorating? And maybe whilst you’re at it you should wash your bed sheets too.
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