Everything you know if you lived in Crescent Hall

You chose Crescent because it was cheaper than paying extortionate amounts of money to live on campus, or you put it as your 5th choice and got it anyway.

 Everyone knows you as a ‘Crescent Peasant’ 

But any Crescent resident secretly loves it. You’re the butt of every joke at every pre drinks at the other halls so you choose to live up to the stereotype by drinking Sainsbury’s basic vodka.

Having to invest in a memory foam bed topper

If you don’t buy one of these you are guaranteed to spend the rest of the year walking round with serious back problems.

Corridor DMCs 

How to get to know each other: sit on the dirty corridor floor with blankets and chat. It’s the perfect place for a claustrophobic DMC.

The constant fines

They will try and charge you for anything and everything, from your cooker being slightly dirty to peeing in a bush. It seems like the halls management will do absolutely anything to get £100 out of you.

The hoovers are shit 

The carpets are incredibly sticky and the hoovers barely even pick up a grain of rice off the floor. It’s been established that if you want a clean floor you have to start picking things up with your hands. As it has been recently discovered, riding round your bedroom on sliders helps to lift up mounds of hair off the carpets.

‘The corner shop’ 

Who can be bothered to walk all the way to Sainsbury’s when there is the offie where the guy behind the till is constantly watching ‘The Big Bang Theory’.

The never ending fire alarms

3am, 6am, 10pm… the alarm never seems to stop going off. Everyone feels sorry for the poor souls standing in the cold in their PJs and in some cases nothing but a towel.

Being terrified of the halls management

Running away when you see them coming towards you because you know if they want to talk to you it’s because you’re in trouble. And dreading every passive aggressive email you get from them.

No door stop is heavy enough

A 50 kg weight in front of your bedroom door still isn’t enough to hold it open.

Putting socks over the motion sensor

How else do you get the kitchen dark when you want the lights out for your movie night? It also works well if is too drunk to make it to their room and passes out in the kitchen.

“Shared bathroom facilities can help you get to know your flatmates better”

This is a real quote from the Crescent Hall website under the pros of living in Crescent. How is that a thing? “I had many a DMC with my flat mate while they were crapping” said no student ever.

Everything breaks at some point

Windows, lights, locks, desk chairs, showers, cupboards… need I go on? The furniture is all pretty dated and has been used by hundreds of past students and therefore is much more flimsy. Mould is also a serious problem at Crescent because the windows do not open very far and the kitchens are so small and confined.

The washing machines

Finding change to do your weekly wash is a nightmare. What is more troublesome however is finding a time when a washing machine is empty. Two washing machines between many blocks seems weak but residents are constantly informed that there is another washroom. If anyone is able to locate said other washroom, please inform every resident of Crescent Hall.

Sometimes there are rats

Unfortunately rats, squirrels and mice are common visitors to Crescent Hall. It’s always a lovely surprise to walk down your corridor and hear all the scuttling and squeaking that goes on, along with the stench that travels with it.