The classic club stereotypes you see at every Brookes night out

Loan flown out of your account and overdraft in tatters?

No stress – from Atik, to PT, to O2 Academy, theres an Oxford club night for everyone, from the most seasoned clubber and even the complete night out novice. But which one most fits you?

Atik: Broke Mondays

Long, long queues mean you have time to carry pre-drinks on whilst you wait to gain entry, meaning that the next morning some poor bouncer or council worker must spend ages picking up sticky water bottles containing Jaeger and Red Bull, or voddy cranberry. Optimal drinking time means you should enter suitably trashed and make a beeline to your floor of choice. We all know you’re there to either parade around the RnB room, or to embarrass yourself on the multicoloured dance floor in the chart music room. The only completely acceptable room to stay in for the night would be the house room, just don’t freak out when Feed ‘Em To the Lions comes on as you will look uncouth. It is Oxford after all, even if VK’s are only £1.

Bridge: MNB

The ultimate networking club: the only place in which you will literally bump into last week’s pull, course mates, your favourite Deliveroo delivery guy, and probably your lecturer.

The extensive smoking area which doubles as a thoroughfare between Anuba and Bridge is the hot location on a Monday night. You wouldn’t be surprised if you had to reply to “meet you in smokers?” with “yeah mate, you’ll have to send me your location tho…”

As arguably the busiest student club night, you can dance the night away in the house room upstairs and work the pole. If you’re seriously broke, I’m sure living legend Old Man Bridge will slide a voddy lemonade your way if you bat your eyelashes enough. Toilet queues can be lengthy, so expect that when you’re two poppers in to your new bodysuit, just leave it undone and exit with haste (in order to stop the bitch outside breaking the cubicle door down).

O2 Academy: Fishies Sports Social Night

Beware of drunk Hockey girls and their sticks; find the Lacrosse girls if you want to gatecrash a legendary social; and locate the Rugby boys if you’re looking for a night of debauchery. It’s hot, it’s cramped, and it’s reminiscent of a school disco; but a bit of Taylor Swift never hurt anyone. The most redeeming feature is the fact that the night is great if you’re looking for a rebound. But keep a look out for all the sports teams in their fancy dress as some of them even bring props.

Atik: Fuzzies

Claiming to be ‘the UK’s most infamous student night,’ now residing at Atik, Fuzzie’s is for those who aren’t interested in the sports orientated, widely attended Fishie’s, but still want the night of naughtiness which stems from a boring Wednesday. Fuzz is loose af, and getting in a photo with Brookes’ favourite little duck equals instant respect.

Bridge: Go Eskimo

Friday’s at Bridge are exactly as you would expect: a painfully average Oxford night, surrounded by lots of chart-song loving exchange students. Funded nearly entirely by international students, Bridge would not survive without this steadfast club night bringing in the regulars. It’s the start of the weekend, but this crowd aren’t looking to go hard, no, they’re looking to dance. The three dance floors claim to play hip hop, chart/cheese and house but really you’re only going so that you can listen to some JB without being judged.

Cellar

Underground and grimy, it’s the side of Oxford reserved solely for students. Attend if you identify as alternative/a thespian/arts student/indie and experience the waviest night of the week. Ride the wave of gurning second and third year faces to get to the pricey bar, and be scared if you’re a fresher as you are smelt out within seconds of ordering an actual alcoholic drink. Nah, only water bottles in here.

PT: Brooklyn Zoo

Cellar’s more fun little sister just next door. No room for inhibitions here – feeling like you’re in a maze with the low ceilings and labyrinth structure of small rooms. Purple Turtle Thursday is many Brookes students’ favourite club night for obvious reasons. Banging music and boasting the trademark drink ‘The Hulk,’ containing a shot of every spirit diluted by Monster energy drink, meaning that having radioactive green drink down your top is the only acceptable look on a Thursday.

Emporium: Madhouse

Promising a night of madness every Thursday, Emporium is a club you kinda have to buy tickets in advance for if you want to see your favourite DJ. Hosting regular DJ nights, you will definitely attend a very questionable night here as a Brookes fresher.

Lola Lo: Rumble Tuesday

Fun for a girls night, this student staple is a fun tiki bar and club with cute cocktails and promising the ‘best chart and old school’ for a night of hula-themed fun. It’s the day after Monday, and the post-weekend blues have well and truly set in. You go JT’s cocktail bar for a few cheap cocktails with the flat during Happy Hour, yet inevitably end up in the Safety Bus home adorned with hula necklaces at 3am the next morning.

There really is no excuse not to be out every night.