Two Brookes students were hospitalised after the Lacrosse Christmas meal

Two lads ended up in hospital, eleven people were kicked out of the club and the club president ended up in Banbury – all after one Christmas meal. If that tickles your fancy, then carry on reading.

Thursday 24th of November marked one of the biggest nights in the Lacrosse club’s calendar – ‘Laxmas’ – and Laxmas 2016 did not disappoint.

This year, two players were hospitalised and the captain ended up in Banbury after getting on a bus he mistook for the U1. He slept on a park bench for the duration of the night.

Gavin, one of the senior members summed it up as “the biggest night I’ve ever had at Brookes. A true pilgrimage to the sesh – it was a nine roper of a night.”

Jamal’s Indian restaurant in Jericho played host to Laxmas this year. 100 members of the club attended, mostly made up of boys. The players could bring either a 70cl bottle of spirit, three bottles of wine, or a 20 crate of beer for their time in the restaurant.

Matt, a Lax player at the meal, commented: “For the majority of the club, the debauchery began before the restaurant. The legacy of drinking shit tonnes of alcohol at Laxmas stems back to the beginning of time, and this year was no different.

“After a meal that most can’t remember, and after several club members had redecorated the bathroom in a mixture of bhaji and naan, OBULC were kicked out of Jamal’s for stealing food from the waiters as they tried to take it to other tables.”

Matt continued: “En route to Emporium, fresher Ali managed to get a starring role in Casualty after his legs fell victim to over hydration and he face planted the road. When paramedics asked for his date of birth, Ali answered, “Clive Booth.”

The morning after

With one member already in an ambulance, it was now men’s club president, Jonny, to steal the show. The president managed to walk the wrong direction out of Jamal’s. Before being escorted to Emporium, he was found swaying at a roundabout.

Matt added: “Jonny’s travels didn’t stop there; he was in the club for all of a minute before deciding to go to his mate’s house for a power nap. After his spa trip to Cowley, Jonny had an urge to experience Oxford’s culture. What better place to do this than Christchurch College?

“After mistaking it for his house and trying to get in to the rooms using his student card, he was found by security. When asked how he’d gotten in Jonny replied, “because you’re not doing your fucking job properly”. For most, you’d stop there, get a taxi and go home. However El Presidente decided he’d get on the next bus he could find. It’s a shame there wasn’t a U1 around because Jonny ended up in Banbury.”

He woke up at 3am to find himself asleep on a park bench, where he slept for another five hours.

Ali’s shirt

In the club, the lacrosse team continued to be a rowdy bunch. Matt told The Tab: “Third year Jack also ended the night in A&E, after supposedly mistaking an ambulance for a taxi. Suitably bevved up and a killer night had by all, Laxmas was over for another year.”

Lax player Kieran summed up the night by saying, “the boys gave a better performance for Laxmas than they have all season on the Lacrosse pitch. We have now seen Waller do a shoe.”

Tactical chunny