I’m a guy and I tried out a pole fitness class

This Tuesday I went along to a pole fitness class, fully expecting pain and a loss of dignity. I was right on both counts. Wearing my shorts and uni vest, I looked fully prepared to push my thighs to the limit. We started out easy with a warmup with a slight gyration theme. The girls were both fitter and much better at moving than me. I took it as a sign of things to come.

I was much less cocky by the end

The first thing I was told to try by the coach (Matt), was the “Crucifix”. Something I thought would be fun, easy and appropriate for a beginner… I was wrong. My first few attempts were a complete fail, I couldn’t hold myself up by my calves, the burning didn’t leave me till midday the next day.

The girls laughed, obviously. I eventually managed it. I felt both fear and excitement at managing to do something new without fucking up.

I realised the secret to pole fitness is squeezing really hard and trying to not get your balls caught. I also now understood why this is more popular among girls.

W(ow)

Next came the chair, a way to make your thighs think you hate them. It involves doing pull ups and regretting not shaving your legs as hair is not good for friction. The end result is that you look badass just chilling on a pole… well the others did. I did not.

“Take the goddamn picture!”

Next was the headstand which was, I decided, my specialty. You just have to grab the pole and hook a leg around it while on your head. Then arch your back and point the toe, and bam, you’ve done it. You look graceful AF. I could even swap legs pretty well. I started to really enjoy all the pole stuff after the success.

Legit more proud of this than my A-levels

I then tried the pencil spin, again a combination of pull ups and disappointment. I got the hang of it eventually with some nudging from Matt, and in no time I was actually looking good. However, this didn’t last long.

Matt set me a challenge: do a straight leg chair sit with a shoulder wrap around. The girls were trying to put a couple of moves smoothly together while I did this. Considering I could barely do one move, I was impressed. But I was too far in to turn back now, so I ignored the pain and jumped onto the pole.

After falling off a few times, I did it, and felt the kind of pride generally reserved for people that actually do things with their lives. I had a few attempts at the spins the other girls in my class were trying and proceeded to hurt my foot, a lot. The pride faded pretty fast.

Like a not at all graceful bird of prey

A quick warm down later and I was bruised, battered and pretty burned out. But I’d actually done a lot, and learned a few moves I could definitely bust out in Bridge at a later date. I spoke to the President and Vice President, Shernice and Emily, about pole fitness.

They were really passionate about how much fun it is, how good it is for you, and how they wanted to get rid of the perceptions about it not being a sport. I wasn’t the only guy there and frankly after a few weeks I could see myself actually getting quite fit.

You feel pretty good by the end. You don’t the next day, however.

Big thank you to Matt, Emily and Shernice. Who knows, I might go again. I’ll need a shorter pair of shorts, though.