A helpful guide for boys living with girls

You thought it was easy? Think again, fool.


At the start of the year it might have struck some of us that we could have to live with a flat full of girls for the first time. This realisation can cause a lot of questions. Would I get along with them? Will we have shared interests? Will we cope with all sharing one loo?

Within a few months, you will be sat in your room, and the only thing you’ll be left questioning is your sanity. Nonetheless, here is an insight into the weird and wacky world of a guy living with girls, and how to do it in the least wrong way.

Going out

As a fresher, having pres and going out is vitally important, but when girls dominate your flat, it isn’t as straightforward as you’d like. Something that no girl has ever heard of is a spontaneous night out.

Why you ask? Only girls as rare as unicorns are prepared to go out without looking anything but their best. This tends to mean that three things must happen before alcohol touches their lips: a shower, a shave and at least one hour of makeup. So if you want to start pres at eight, give the girls a shout at 3pm at the latest.

Flat film nights

The typical movie genre preference can be different for boys and girls. Most boys love a good action, thriller and the odd comedy. Girls? Speaking from experience, their genre preference is romance and… umm… yeah basically only romance.

Unless it’s Magic Mike.

Can’t imagine why that film is so appealing to girls, but that’s just me. So lads, if you are prepared to witness two hours of mopey acting, most commonly from the likes of Leo, Mr. Gosling and Bradley Cooper, make sure you bring the biggest box of tissues you can. Actually, make it two.

Yeah…

Kitchen whiteboards

You know those whiteboards that are in a lot of accommodation kitchens? Yeah, don’t use them.

For some girls, that whiteboard is their pride and joy. From observation, other flats tend to use those whiteboards for stuff like ‘Pulling charts’, the classic overly detailed cock and balls or nothing.

However, to use the example of my flat. We use it for a ‘Flat washing up competition’.

Since we’re on the subject of washing up and being helpful, it’s advisable to keep yourself at a mediocre level of helpfulness. Too helpful and it will become a full time job. Not helpful enough and shit will go down.

Neediness

Girls can be emotional, it’s part of their charm. So, if you are going to be a flatmate they appreciate and like, you’ll have to deal with this shit.

Girls have sad moments; they fucked up an assignment, not feeling well or that bitch Jasmine called her fat. Here’s a few go-to phrases that’ll get you through most situations: “It’ll be alright, just try and move on”, “try not to let it get you down, what happens, happens; there’s nothing you can do about it” and “every cloud has a silver lining”. Alternatively, they’ll probably just tell you to fuck off.

Guys and crushes

From the conversations that happen in my flat it seems like girls never actually like any guys but are really concerned about coming across like they do. Most popular phrases in my flat tend to be: “Oh god! Do you think I’ve led him on?” and “I don’t even like him” and “Shit. I hope he doesn’t think I’m interested”. From what we can tell if you have the following that girl might like you; abs, height, good hair, style, humour, no serious criminal record, a soft side, wealth.