Everything that will happen to you on a night out at MNB

If you’re at Brookes, MNB is kind of a big thing. It’s the go to on a Monday night and a guarantee you won’t go to your lecture on Tuesday morning. This is everything that will happen to you:

Get fucked over by the £10 card limit 

“Two vodka cokes, please” is always hit with the same response: “It’s a £10 card limit”. So you end up making it three. But it still doesn’t make it. So now you’re stuck with four vodka mixers that you can’t carry. You end up giving one to Jack, who’s way too drunk anyway, so now you’re £3 down and you can’t even take your drinks into the smoking area. The only option is to down them all and end up running to the toilets to chunder. Bloody card limit.

Chat to the lady in the toilets 

After sitting on the loo contemplating how drunk you really are and the general meaning of life, you’re lured into the corner of strawberry lollipops and cheap perfume. You wonder how this lady makes a living and wonder how she can love Bridge quite this much.

Spend 3/4 of your night in the smoking area 

You don’t smoke, but a nice girl you just met called Polly offers you a cigarette and suddenly you’re a chain smoker. She tells you her life story, how her cheating boyfriend has just walked out on her and all she really wants is some cheesy chips. You’re both sitting on the fake astro turf laughing and chatting when the security man gives you that terrifying look like he’s about to kick you out. Have a nice life Pol.

Get in loads of terrible club photos 

At the time, it was a really really good idea to photobomb that couple picture with your tongue sticking out. The next day, you realise it wasn’t quite as good of a game plan as you thought. Oh well, at least you might make it into clubbers of the week.

Get on the pole 

Oh god, the VKs have kicked in and suddenly you’re approaching the pole. You’re telling yourself not to but it’s happening. You’ve fallen off, you’re on the floor, there’s vodka in your hair but you’re that drunk and high on life that you don’t even care (hopefully the photographer didn’t get that one on camera).

Try and get into VIP and probably get kicked out 

One security guard has gone for a cheeky fag and the other one has gone to clean up his hi viz after a girl just threw up tequila on it. Now is your chance. Go for it. You’ve got in and suddenly you feel like you’ve just managed to sneak into Buckingham Palace to steal a corgi. You’re dancing round in the most un-VIP like way possible and you’ve managed to swipe a Grey Goose from a random table. Five minutes and you’ll probably be kicked out, but it was worth it to feel like Beyonce for at least just a short time.

Fall down the stairs 

It wouldn’t be MNB unless you fell up or down the stairs at least once would it? You’re craving a kebab and your friend’s got so drunk she’s actually hitting on Old Man Bridge. So you go to make your graceful exit when suddenly you’re flat on your face and the next thing you know security are kicking you out again.