RIP Wahoo, Brookes will miss you
Sleep easy, Fuzz juice
Oxford’s sparse night life is about to get even more barren as Wahoo is set to close in the next 6 weeks.
How to describe Wahoo to this year’s freshers who won’t get to experience it in all it’s glory? It is the place where you can look like trash with Jaeger down your front and tequila in your hair and still get with ten people.
Wednesday night, or Fuzzies, was Brooke’s sports night which meant a lot of fancy dress. Oh how we’ll miss the rugby team on Disney Princess night and the girls hockey team on Playboy Mansion night, or the levels the testosterone reached as the guys, and most of the girls, took their tops off and swung them around their heads when Baywatch was played. We’ll deeply miss the chants of the football team as they force each other to strawpeedo five VKs in a row, swiftly followed by someone chundering on the bar.
Wahoo is notorious for having the world’s stickiest dance floor, but it wouldn’t be the same without it. VKs, Jaegarbombs, sweat and God knows what else (Fuzz Juice) created a unique clubbing experience, which would defo cause someone to face plant the dance floor during “Shake It Off” at least once.
With all that Fuzz Juice on the floor, you quickly learned never to wear a nice pair of shoes to Fuzz. Fuzz Juice can only be tackled by one thing: “Fuzz Shoes” – the faithful pair of shoes, most likely from Primark, that can only be worn to Fuzz and no where else. Freshers will never enjoy the thrill of entering the adult world and purchasing their first pair of shiny white Fuzz Shoes, which would soon be turned into a more than flattering brown colour after just one trip to Wahoo. Where else are we to receive this joy?
Skint Mondays offered £1 drinks all night, meaning you more than likely ended up in a bush on the way home. VKs were essential and were never drunk without a straw. The camaraderie of Wahoo meant that if you were ever seen without a VK someone would always share theirs with you.
This wondeful arena was a place to find friends and make new ones, everyone was up for a chat in the smoking area. A special shout out to the people who opened and closed the doors for you.
The best one by far was the Chuckle Brothers, it we’ve also had Katie Price and Meghan McKenna. Z-List celebrities that will never grace the threshold of Wahoo again.
The stairs to The Glee Club claimed multiple victims every night, without a doubt you would have fallen down them during your Wahoo career. It was so common that you wouldn’t even get a cheer for falling down them, you just became another casualty.
If you ever found yourself venturing into Wahoo on a Saturday night, be aware of the lurking locals. They sit at the bar for most of the night, but when the clock strikes twelve, Dave would be dabbing to “All About That Bass” in no time.
Oh and Old Man Bridge would be in there for sure. It’s compulsory to get a pic with him.
Wahoo has been voted the number one easiest place to pull in Europe. Weird things happened at Fuzzies. For some reason you’re friends who would never normally get with each other, end up eating each others faces all night. You could never pull in peace in Wahoo either, somehow the photographer always managed to snap a pic and before you knew it you’re being tagged in it by your mate on Facebook.
If you arrived at 9:30pm you’d get in with no queue. But if you arrived at 9:31pm the queue would be as far back as the bridge. You always had to make sure you left a gap for the entrance of the Oxford Retreat as its always packed! Not.
Sometimes there was even a hot tub. The water is made up of Fuzz Juice, but at least it looks cool.
RIP, sweet prince x