Advice to my fresher self

Never miss a Fuzz


Fresher self – if you could do it all again, I hope you’d do it even better than you did last time.

It’s getting to that time in the year where deadlines are looming you’re thinking back to simpler times: Freshers. When your biggest cares were where to buy your alcohol and how you were going to get to your 9am. (Answers: anywhere vodka is less than a tenner and no, you won’t make your communication seminar). We’ve all thought about it: sleep deprived and hungover in JHB at 11pm. What would you do differently if you could go back and do it all again?

Here’s what I’d tell my fresher self:

Never turn down a night out 

‘I’m sorry, I can’t go out for my third night this week, I’m too tired’. Bullshit. You’re a fresher, your energy levels whilst drinking are endless. Have a nap and a double vodka red bull and get yourself to Wahoo right now. Don’t turn down nights out because you’re tired, or you have work the next day. So what if you have a tutorial? You’re invincible. Take each hungover day as it comes and enjoy being tired, these will be the nights you’ll be thinking about when you’re hitting your diss hard in the library in third year.

Enjoy every moment of living halls

It will literally fly by. Appreciate the constant parties, your flatmates and their carefree attitude. You’ll miss it all in second year, I promise. When your housemates are all coupled off watching friends in bed and you’re itching to go to MNB, you’ll be longing for first year more than ever before. Enjoy the fact that there’s always a house party to rock up to, even if you aren’t invited. There’ll always be someone to get dominoes with, or go for a spontaneous night at the pub. Once you live in a shared house, the nights of ‘I’m just going to D5 to watch Made in Chelsea with the girls’ that end in two bottles of wine stop.

Most importantly, appreciate your weekly cleaner. Shower her with gifts for even having the balls to touch the boy’s shower room. You’ll wish that Jill still came and woke you up by singing and hoovering every Wednesday morning when you wake up to the dreaded passive aggressive WhatsApp messages of ‘who’s turn is it to mop today?’ Don’t take her for granted, she’s your lifeline.

Don’t come with a boyfriend

And if you do, don’t cheat on them in the first week. You realised it wasn’t going to work at 3am on the second night, when your hot flatmate made a move on you and you had to throw them off (but you really didn’t want to).  He took his top off the next day in the kitchen and you were already in love with his abs. Having a boyfriend in freshers’ week holds you back. You can’t dance with boys and you can’t go out every night because they’re panicking you’re lying in a ditch somewhere. You love how much they care, but it’s the kindest thing to let them go now, before they see pictures of you lying on the bus floor with your pants showing.

Your mum was dubious, your friends from home were desperate for you to chuck him, but you were determined it was forever. He’ll have a new girlfriend soon enough, and you have your new boyfriend: Sainsbury’s basic vodka (it’s more reliable anyway).

your best friend in your flat will become your long term boyfriend

Join societies 

Don’t be scared. I know you’re convinced you’re no good at anything, but for goodness sake go along to a social. I promise, it’ll be fun. Whether it’s a sport or The Tab, get involved. You’ll make friends, you’ll look cooler than if you did nothing all year and the socials will be wicked. Strawpedos in the shed at the bottom of someone’s garden will swiftly turn into a mad one at Fuzzies, but you won’t regret it. Your society friends will be some of the best you have.

Remember that first day when you were crying in your room asking your mum and dad to take you home because you were so nervous? Me neither anymore. One year on, you’ll be a uni legend. Fresher self, if you could do it all again, I hope you did it just as well as last time.