How to spot someone from Leeds

Ah Leeds, the home of Greggs, the Otley run and Fruity Fridays. Most people from Oxford have never ventured quite that far up, and consider Birmingham as the North. But they’re wrong and wouldn’t have the foggiest about what Leeds is and who lives there. Some call it God’s Own County, some call it a massive shit hole. The locals are a breed of their own, and if one of them dares to venture out the North, here’s how you’ll spot them.

There’s no such thing as one drink

When our Lisa from Leeds asks you to go for a catch up at The City Arms, you know you will end up in Wahoo. People from Leeds are sneaky; they’ll take a spare pair of heels in their bag knowing they will drag you to a club after six Jägerbombs. Our Jack from Headingly is the best at drinking everyone under the table and can never sit in a beer garden for just a pint. It’s probably because they’ve been drinking since they were 12 in Roundhay Park and a pint at home only costs £2.

Spot the northerner

They always offer you a cuppa

You know someone is from Leeds when before you have even stepped in their door, the kettle is on and the mugs are lined up. “D’ya want owt with your cuppa while it mashes?” is a common phrase. There will most likely be a biscuit, or 10, to dunk in your tea as Yorkshire folk are the most hospitable – as well as being obsessed with tea.

They put gravy on everything

Not only are people from Leeds the best at drinking, they’re the best at eating too. No matter where you are from, everyone can agree a roast dinner with Yorkshire puddings and gravy is the most perfect meal. People down South have yet to cotton on to the idea, but gravy on everything from Pound Bakery’s sausage rolls, Whitby Scampi or your nan’s chicken pie is just perfect.

They always talk about how expensive everything is

If they’re not eating or drinking, you can pick out a northerner from a bunch of southerners because they will be the only ones complaining about prices. They’ll tell you over and over that a double in Tiger Tiger is only £1.50 and all the bars on Call Lane are free.

They’re the best at chanting

As well as chanting, we’re also fabulous at screaming, screeching and singing ‘Marching On Together’ on the U1.

They never wear a coat

People from Leeds are hard. They love the rain and the cold, it’s all they’ve ever known. Leeds girls are the ones who prance around town in a vest and shorts on a night out in December while their friends from Cheltenham are wearing three coats, a hat, scarf and gloves. There is no such thing as a cloakroom on a Leeds night out, and if there was, they would be too stingy to pay for it anyway.

no coats here

They are always perfectly bronzed

There must be something in the water up there because despite the typically disgusting weather that blesses Yorkshire on a daily basis, people from that neck of the woods are always perfectly bronzed with a fresh-from-Lanzarote glow. More likely, it’s a layer or two of Home Bargains St. Moriz fake tan accompanied with lashes and extensions from The White Rose Centre, because people up north make an effort with their appearance – none of this ‘natural look’ shit.

They’re really happy

Some might find our brashness or accent a bit too much at times, but you must admit that the northern sense of humour and openness about everything is actually quite charming. You can spot someone from Leeds straight away because they will chat to everyone on public transport and smile and say “hiya, y’allright?” to everyone that walks past. They are the type of people that pick up other people’s shit off the floor of JHB and open doors for strangers.

It’s all they ever talk about

If you have ever been blessed by the presence of someone from Leeds, even for a few seconds, you will definitely know about it because it is all they ever talk about. They will tell you they lived in the same estate as Paul and Barry Chuckle or that your dad’s best mate went to school with Keith Lemon and Paddy McGuinness or that they used to walk past the factory where Wensleydale cheese is made on their way to work. They’ll go on and on about Harrogate being voted the happiest place to live and that Leeds fest is the best thing to ever happen. People from Leeds are obsessed with Leeds.