Purple Turtle is the best club in Oxford

And probably the world

The best nights I’ve ever had have been in Purple Turtle.

It’s the kind of place you can slut drop on a bouncer and if you joke about it enough he might not even throw you out.

You don’t have to dress up and wear heels, you can go out it scruffy jeans, a crop top and trainers and no one cares. You can’t wear your comfy mom jeans to Bridge or Emporium so just go to PT and skip the Spanx.


It doesn’t have to be full of people for you to have a good time, just be with a group of friends and it can be the best night out, it’s like being in a pub but you can strawpeado and get drunk without worrying about the locals giving you funny looks.

They run different nights every day of the week, so it doesn’t matter what kind of music you’re into. PT probably has a night for you. And if you’re at the front bar, you can always pick a tune on the jukebox.

At PT you don’t have to be the cool girl, you don’t have to worry about earning LAD points, you can just be yourself and no one actually cares. No one can make you feel inferior by flashing that VIP band in your face, because there isn’t a VIP area.


The only thing you can really be jealous of is how are that girl’s abs are so toned and why does she look so good in her crop?!

People complain that it’s too small and too sweaty, but really, have you even been clubbing if you don’t come home with somebody else’s drink on you? And every busy club is sweaty, if it’s busy it’s good. If it’s rammed it’s amazing.

The best thing about PT has got to be the drinks. Not only is it the cheapest club in Oxford, but it has the best drinks. With a different shot for each of the Oxford Colleges and a unique one just for Brookes. They have themed the shots with students in mind and so Brookes have the most fun (absinthe and strawberry liqueur).

And who can forget the Hulk?