All the people who you’ll have for group work this semester

Group work is the worst. But it’s made worse by the fact that you always end up with the people you were planning on avoiding for the whole module.

These are all the people who you will be lucky enough to have in your group work this semester and here’s how to deal with it.

The no-show

This girl seems to think that group work is above her. She’s probably called something like Kitty and is likely to have scraped a low 2:2 last semester thanks to her ‘mitigating’ circumstances due to that painful nose job Mummy said she desperately needed. But it’s okay, her input is probably not needed anyway – so I probably wouldn’t even bother adding her to the whatsapp chat you set up especially for the assignment.

Soz too busy in PT for you

The know-it-all

They think they know the answer to “what is life?” despite only studying at undergraduate level at Brookes, which, lets be honest, it’s no redbrick. The sort of person who wears glasses all the time despite only having a .25 prescription. Although they might seem like the devil incarnate right now, they will probably be happy to complete at least 70 per cent of the work, so it’s not all bad.

When your prescription is 0.25 but you tryna be edgy

The technophobe

It seems apparent from your first meeting that the only device this person is capable of using is their electric toothbrush. “What’s google drive?”, “How do you add a box onto a powerpoint slide?”. I mean, really? Your best bet is to assign this person the research which all they need is a good old fashioned book for.

The needy one

They need constant approval. They want to make sure you’re okay with the font they used on the first powerpoint slide. The type of person to get up at 6am to make sure their hair is blow dried to perfection. What they don’t realise is that we never even look at them long enough to notice that their hair has the perfect quiff. The best way to deal with the needy ones is tough love.

The keyboard warrior

“Omg Lizzie, what the fuck, why haven’t you finished your part of the assignment”, obviously all this comes via WhatsApp. In real life, they tell you “omg babe it’s so fine that you decided to go to Fuzzies instead, I’ll do your side of the work”… So the way to deal with it? Go to Fuzzies and let them deal with it.

The commuter

They have a job at Waitrose in Reading and can only meet at 9am (at Harcourt) because they have work on every day ending in Y. Can these people even call themselves students? The only way to deal with this is to drag yourself to that 9am meeting or do their side of the work. Oh, and pray they don’t have a kid because that means hours of pretending you care about little Joey.