How to fit in on Cowley Road

After months of arguments and tedious house viewings, you have finally secured a home along the esteemed Cowley Road.

It’s a colourful place where you’ll find drunk people in onesies stumbling home, girls tottering along in their heels and men who stand in front of the betting shops asking “how much?” to everyone who walks past. So how do you fit in?

Wear shit vintage clothes

Firstly, you have to look the part. There have been some pretty horrific outfits spotted along the road, especially on a Thursday morning when the post-Fuzzies-walk-of-shame takes place. Pyjamas or tracksuits are perfect if you’re just nipping to Tesco but any other time, colourful clothes suffice. As a general rule, if you buy it on Cowley Road, you can wear it on Cowley Road and there’s heaps of vintage and charity shops to have a rummage through.

Anything from here will do

Smoke weed on the marshes 

Other than your grotty student home, the Cowley Marshes are an unspoiled hidden gem where you can light up. If you’re lucky, you might find some 14 year olds skiving school doing the same. If you’re brave, just sit at the back of the number 5 bus to Blackbird Leys and do it there, no one will notice.

Take your Tinder date to The Retreat 

The Cowley Retreat is right in the middle, a perfect location for a first date. It’s not too dark or noisy like some of the other bars, so you can actually see and hear bae. They have a cosy beer garden decorated in fairy lights and tonnes of (expensive) cocktails to choose from.

Pretend to be healthy in Beetroot 

If you’re looking for a place to relax, have a coffee and read the paper, Beetroot is ideal. Its cosy interior is covered in paintings of Oxford and they have comfy sofas for the odd Brookes bookworm to settle down on. Their Instagram worthy salads and sandwiches make a nice change from a Sainsbury’s Basics ready meal.

‘Study’ in G&D’s

Oxfords Own G&D’s café boast work spaces to make notes, catch up on readings or procrastinate with a breakfast bagel. When learning how to fit in on Cowley, G&D’s giant window offers a perfect people-watching spot. Plus, their sweet treats are actually pretty good.

Bae-gels

Take your first ever drugs (omg) 

So you’re new to Cowley and all your friends are dropping on the weekend. If you want to be like everybody else, head out on a Saturday night, get sweaty and spend your comedown crying about being deep in your overdraft.

Drink cheap cocktails

Avoiding happy hour on Cowley Road is impossible, there are 2-for-1 cocktails round every corner. Befriend the bar staff and you’ll end up paying way less for a fancy cocktail than in the city centre. If you want to live here, you have to drink cocktails and pretend you’re on holiday. Café Baba, Bar Aroma and Kazbar offer espresso martinis (for those all-nighters), sickly sweet drinks and sangria by the jug. They play exotic music to set the tone in their snug shisha gardens at the back.

Kick up a fuss in Blanco

Sporty people can definitely feel at home along Cowley Road, especially in Blanco. It always looks dead from the outside, but every Wednesday it becomes the home of hockey social pres.

Chill in the cemetery 

Obviously Cowley Road is full of mysterious characters and creeps. If these are your type of people who you want to hang out with every single night, head to Cowley Cemetery equipped with a tinnie of Fosters.

Pamper yourself

There are hidden massage and therapy centres and even salt water baths along the road, which at this point in the semester are ideal. But for a cheaper quick mid-week pick me up, the guys from Amy Nail’s will give you a pamper. You’ll have to sit and wait for ages, but whether it’s waxing or pedicures, they have you covered in there.

Treat yourself

Have a pint in The Shitty Arms 

If gurning or bright pink drinks and pedis are not for you, The City Arms will become your favourite local. It’s close to Divinity Road, where most students will find themselves living and there’s no shortage of craft beers, ciders on tap, food, sport, board games or a funny pub quiz on a Sunday.