How to survive a day at Harcourt Hell

At least it’s not Wheatley


Picture the scene: you’ve got into Brookes with the alluring promise of lectures in our super savvy new library. You’re blinded by the beauty of the forum and the ease of getting to Gipsy Lane.

But just like that your dreams are dashed, as you find out you’ve fallen down the rabbit hole into the sadistic and depressing land they call Harcourt Hill. Depressing, crowded and over-run with loud-mouthed Primary Education students (and that’s just the U1), surviving a day at Harcourt is difficult.

Power tunes like I Will Survive are the only way

The buses to Harcourt Hill are about as reliable as its printers. In order to reach your lecture you’ll need determination and patience, and setting off an hour and a half in advance is well-advised. Headphones are highly recommended for the long sweaty bus rides, and we suggest a pre-made playlist of inspirational power ballads to motivate you for the rest of the day. Think along the lines of “I Will Survive” or “Eye of the Tiger” to drown out your sorrows.

And so the journey begins

Get an extra shot in your coffee

This is possibly one of the most important aspects of any day, and at Harcourt a double shot is always recommended. The Harcourt staff, or “angels of life”, will make your day just a bit easier with their cheery smiles and welcoming arms. Top tip: free brownies have been known to make an appearance. Top top tip: sometimes crying can persuade them to give you extra cream on your Caramel Macchiato.

Love your coffee

Refectory and chill

While the refectory may seem small and unpromising, don’t underestimate its crumb covered seats and sticky tables. Grab all the friends you can find and anchor yourself into a booth to discuss how much you don’t want to be there, and how rude your lecturer was for actually suggesting you do some work. Keep an eye out for the sausage rolls too, they’re worth the spring onion burps and those things are like gold dust.

Library naps are the one

The library at Harcourt is not known for its extensive shelves of books, but it is nice and warm and the perfect place for some low-key napping.

Sweet dreams

They do have a chapel if things get really desperate

We’re not actually sure if anyone knows how to access it, but if you’re not feeling particularly angelic there is also what could be described as the most depressing student hangout in the world: Westminster Square Bar. But alcohol is still alcohol, and a shot of sambuca could be just the thing to get you through that 5pm – 7pm lecture on a Monday evening.

Pride

Don’t forget to congratulate yourself on actually making it to Harcourt Hill, as we all know staying in bed and watching re-runs of you and bae in the new Kandy promo vid is so much more appealing. Having said all this, there is one saving grace of Harcourt… it’s not Wheatley.