How to get away with shagging in the JHB

You know how it goes: sat in the JHB, half an hour into revise n chill and she gives you the look.

She wants a one way ticket to the sausage factory. After all, sex is the best type of procrastination. So the location isn’t ideal, but you’d be a complete pussy not to give it a go. You’ve heard people talk about it, but here’s how you actually do it. We found the best spots in the JHB for some good old panty droppin’.

Library of love

The Basement

Also known as the sex dungeon, this is an almost secretive area of the JHB most don’t venture into. Slightly dingy, less students and even fewer staff, it’s one of the safest options. You could always risk it down a journal aisle if you’re feeling brave. If you do get caught, don’t blame it on us.

Full of secrets

The Forum

A risky move, but it has been done before. It provides a comfy and welcoming environment for boning. You’re also in easy reach of some after sex snacks – always a plus.

There are so many options of where to shag here it can be a bit overwhelming, so don’t make any rash decisions on this one. Up against the glass may look fun but think about the practicalities. Although, if you did get away with that one I think even John Henry Brookes himself would be proud.

Copulating in the forum

Executive Suite

Emphasis on the word executive: it’s pretty snazzy and gives you a romantic view of the forum. You’re a bit exposed but that’s what makes it fun. It doesn’t always have to be just a quickie in here either, it doesn’t get much use so it’d be a shame to let it go to waste. It’s even complete with desks to fulfil your naughty schoolgirl fantasy.

All that desk space

Kennedy Room

This lecture theatre is perfect for a private show. Go after 6pm and it’s unlocked with its lights off, or just check the timetable and occupy when not in use. A popular shag location on campus, it’s pretty spacious with lots of room for manoeuvres. The lectures are bloody boring in here so this is probably the best way to entertain yourself.

Don’t be silly, wrap your willy

There’s also a few other things to consider when trying to fit a cheeky shag in between lectures. Be quiet and save your porn star moaning for the bedroom: noise complaints don’t usually end well. When to do the deed could also be the key to success. On the way home from a night out might give you a little more privacy. Most importantly, make sure you Snapchat it or no one will believe you.