We spent our night out trying to burn off all the calories we consumed

You’ve probably heard the mantra before: “It’s okay, dancing burns off all the booze.”

You might have even believed it, or convinced yourself it was true. Because really, nobody thinks about the nutritional value of their alcohol when they go out.

You don’t see the squad cracking out their calculators at pres to work out how many Busted classics you need to jam to in order to drop a few pounds. But seeing as we spent the last week procrastinating our assignments, this mid-week booze up just got educational.

The Experiment

It’s simple. Armed with a stepometer, and a lot of alcohol, we headed for a big Wednesday night out, determined to record just how many empty calories we consumed while boozing, and how good we were at burning it all back off.

Do you really beef up your biceps carrying those Sainsbury’s Basics vodka bottles? Is the long walk to the club really long enough to count as exercise?

Stage One – Pre-drinks

It’s 8pm and pre-drinks are in full swing. Our guinea pig begins her night with three cans of Strongbow, setting us up at a whopping 741 calories and setting her up as she means to go on.

When her enthusiasm for cider fades, her next tipple was the old student favourite. Guzzling a half bottle of our beloved Lambrini bumps us up another 414 calories, making our running total1,155 – and it’s only 9.30pm.

But the guinea pig’s thirst still wasn’t quenched, and she managed to sway her way down another glass of vodka before leaving for our adventure into the city centre.

Watch out Oxford, after 1282 calories of booze and fizz, our experiment is ready to go.

Stage 2 – The Walk

According to experts, a brisk 10 minute walk burns off around 50 calories.

Brisk isn’t the word we’d use to describe this drunken stumble, but it passes our standards, deducting our current total to make 1232 calories.

Impressive for a journey we don’t really remember.

Stage 3 – The Club

This is where things get interesting. We decide against checking the stepometer mid experiment and got straight into the action – pretty conveniently, Fuzzy Ducks was holding a dance off.

After suffering from losing the dance competition, but still having a ball, it’s time to hit the bar. Two double vodka red bulls is good enough for our guinea pig and boosts us by 500 calories, topping us off at a mammoth 1,732.

We head back to the dance floor to bust some more moves and maybe even get involved in a mosh pit or two. Everything is great and we’ve forgotten about our caloric intake completely. The stepometer is working its magic in our guinea pig’s pocket and then suddenly we begin to feel hungry.

Burning off those kcals

Stage 4 – Food glorious food

This is where the experiment takes a downward spiral. It’s 3am, hunger sets in and the fast food is in sight. Kebab kid looks promising, as does the 300 calorie burger our guinea pig is about to inhale.

Obviously, we don’t hesitate to get involved with the man behind the counter- giving us free food and a great end to the experiment.

Stage 5- The Results

It’s Thursday morning and our hungover guinea pig was excited to find out the results. She was slightly disappointed when she discovered she’d consumed a mega 2032 calories.

But her spirits slightly uplifted when she realises she managed a massive 18,681 steps over the whole day and just over 10,000 of those were done after 12pm, adding up to around 396 calories burned throughout the duration of leaving the flat to returning home.

Thursday Mornings are always tough

Disappointingly though, our grand total adds up to around 1644 calories- even with all our 90’s raving. Our experiment has lead us to the baffling conclusion-
if you’re going to paint the town red, you may as well do it without thinking about what you’re drinking, because let’s face it, you’ll be putting on a pound or two in the morning.