Pre-drinks are better than a night out

Winter makes us lazy. The thought of venturing out into that harsh winter night to stand in a queue for an hour just isn’t that appealing.

I wish I was a pro at the art of manipulation because I would definitely use it to my advantage.

In my world pre-drinks (or “prinks” if that’s your thing) would just be pre-going to bed, not pre-going to an extortionate, over-rated club.

Let me elaborate.

The average vodka and coke (single!) sets me back a good £3 in Oxford. Why do I do this to myself when I can get a bottle of good ol’ 1L Glens vodka for £15?

I’m also 43% sure clubs use even worse vodka than Glens because a night out only ends one place for me – with my head down a toilet.

And I’m not forced to listen to a monotonous tune similar to something I could have created on my iPhone.

Pre-drinks mean you don’t have to wait for a “funk and soul” night at Cellar to get groovy. You own the job of DJ at prinks.

All girls will know that after you’ve “broken the seal” there’s no going back.

A trip to the toilet every few minutes is a necessity unless you want to end up smelling of piss and vodka. Because all girls know this it means that queuing for the girls toilets is like watching Fifty Shades of Grey with your dad – uncomfortable, long and verging on painful.

You don’t have this problem at pre-drinks, just stroll over to the closest toilet and take as long as you want (without being creepy).

Pre-drinks also means you are in charge of the guest list. This means no rugby lads forcing you to neck your vodka and coke, no bitchy girls staring down at your scruffy converse and especially no creepy locals.

The worst you get at pre-drinks is your slightly reclusive flatmate coming in to make some pasta while the parties just getting started.

Oh, and did I mention it’s free? Yeah, that means it’s harder for your friends to pull the “I-have-no-money” card which means they have to join you in your drunken state. Win win.

The only people that won’t agree with me are creepers who enjoy dark corners for maximum creeper effect, those who use the club as a dating site or club promoters who insist that theirs is the best night you’ll ever have (they’re lying).