Internships are universally terrible

Accept it, you’re going to be the office bitch


A necessity beyond belief for todays students, the Internship has become a path of righteousness for anyone seeking a well-paid job in the future.

For some, it can be a glorified experience from one of Daddy’s old school-chum willing to help out and provide said son with a two week paid holiday of lunchtime drinking and office cricket.

For others, and may I add most, this is unfortunately not the case.

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Let’s begin with a personal stint of “work experience” or so-called “internship” with a company that shall remain anonymous.

Two weeks of re-arranging the stock room, enveloping company brochures and casual flirting with the lady from Human Resources was far from the experience I had expected.

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Kill me now

Essentially I was seen as something sticky that one would find on the bottom of their shoe and passed around like a naughty cigarette in hope that someone else would be willing look after my effervescent smile and keen attitude for learning.

The delight of hearing “time for lunch!” could never arrive soon enough, a break from making polite conversation about how I like my eggs in the morning and yet another game of spider solitaire was a welcome relief.

Then it was a nonchalant walk around the corner to “Fred’s Bakery” to ponder whether it’s possible to make a chicken mayo and bacon sandwich last an hour.

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Did I really just put salt in my coffee?

Watching the fat cats at the other end of the table sweating collar and making dollar made for exciting viewing, but no such electrifying happenings were occurring down in “copier corner.”

The end of school bell would ring around 5.30 whereby Human Resources would rise from her chair, flutter her eyelashes and question, “Time to go bone?”

A comment that would drastically awake me from my bored slumber, and which to only later curse my lack of acute hearing from the misunderstanding of “home.”

The extensive walk, train, and finally drive back to home meant for a tired and crotchety boy who just wanted to hang up his oversized suit and see who Alan Sugar was going to fire this time to make it ‘all seem okay’ that all this was to happen tomorrow.

But ultimately, it is something of a rite of passage in which most will undertake for their first steps towards the big wide world and something to be appreciated.

We spoke to students to try and find a positive experience and we were unsuccessful.

Biology second year Henry Watson says:  “I had a 3 week Internship, completely unpaid, and all I did was pick up everyone’s lunch for them.”
Engineering first year Hettie Smith had an even worse experience: “I worked for two weeks at a company in London and I was pretty much the office bitch.”

Inevitably two weeks of unpaid work for a pat on the back and an option to leave a CV never really seems to foot the bill.

But even if it seems like you are wearing Potter’s invisibility cloak, there is still a chance of finding your very own Human Resources lady, and making more than just jokes about hole punchers with her.