We took a trip to Ann Summers to see if their edible sex toys are tasty enough to actually be edible
A lothario’s arsenal
Candy Nipple Tassels
Amalissa: It’s bigger than I expected. I dunno, it looks large. Like a UFO.
Charles: These are very colourful and alluring to the eye. But the tassles are a bit like tentacles, cause they’re really long, which is gross.
Amalissa: This tastes like childhood… in the form of a nipple tassel.
![]()
Take me to your leader
Charles: If you whisper nipple tassel it sounds kinda cool. Or sexy. If someone whispered nipple tassel to me I’d think twice.
Amalissa: Oh they come with tiny bits of double sided tape, but that’s so fucking annoying to fiddle with and stick on. It’s worse than that awkward stuggle trying to take your socks off.
Final verdict
Pretty good, but it’s a bit like a marathon because you’ve got so much to eat.
It seems like it might be too much… tassel? (Sorry).
![]()
Truly investigative journalism
Body Candy
![]()
Is that a rash? An STD? The result of bad decisions?
Amalissa: So basically it’s just popping candy that you put on your body and lick off. You wouldn’t even have to get this, you could just get some from Tesco and save yourself £4.
Charles: If you’re a bit of a human anomaly like me it’s great.
![]()
What
Amalissa: It’s good, it’s tasty, I like it. I might use it for a laugh, although if I had this on my stomach like on the packet, I’d probably just laugh.
Final verdict
Alright. Although it looks like a rash when you put it on your body, so just be careful with that.
Cookie Dough Flavoured Juicy Lube
Charles: I wonder if this will be anything like the Ben & Jerry’s ice cream…
Amalissa: Ew, it smells like sweet play dough.
Charles: Mmm yeah it smells a bit syrup-y and sickly.
Amalissa: Oh god that’s just straight up gross. Great tasting fun? I really, really disagree.
![]()
No
Charles: Well, I guess it’s 3 for 2 for a reason.
Final verdict:
Yeah that’s a massive no. Gross.
Cola Flavoured Dick Lick
Amalissa: So you basically put this on your penis to make it taste better whilst giving head. Fair enough.
Charles: Okay that’s much better than the horrible juicy lube.
![]()
Not so finger lickin’ good
Amalissa: Yeah initially it’s a little gross, but then afterwards it tastes like liquifed cola bottles.
Charles: Neither juicy lube nor dick lick sound particularly endearing. Would not recommend either of these things to my friends.
Final verdickt (get it?)
This isn’t awful… but it isn’t great.
Overall, we both agreed that the nipple tassels were the best tasting and most amusing to eat. The rest of it was a bit of a laugh, although slightly horrible, so purchase at your own peril.
